Is patriarchy an outdated concept?

Patriarchy (a social system in which males hold primary power, predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property; in the domain of the family, fathers or father-figures hold authority over women and children) seems to be a dated concept in modern society whether it is here in the diaspora or even back home in the motherland.

With Father’s day having passed quite recently I have been a witness to the global masculinisation of mothers (who have looked after children in the absence of male figures in the home) on social media. ‘Happy Father’s day to all the men who took care of their responsibilities as well as any women that had to be both a mother and a father,’ said one of my online contacts. I, personally, found this to be extremely offensive to men all around the world. The one day that has been set aside for the celebration of their efforts to provide for and be there for their children has to now be shared with women. Please bear in mind that we have never seen this happen the other way around, i.e. men being hailed as queens on Mother’s Day despite the fact that there are many single fathers raising children on their own.

It seems as though the world (with the exception of some of the more traditional societies) has become so civilised that it has lost any respect or need for fathers and men, the very group of people who fought in battles to either obtain or retain any form of freedom the same people now enjoy. This is total disregard for the idiom that says, ‘do not bite the hand that feeds you.’  In the quest to settle gender scores, it seems that popular culture has accomplished a secondary objective which is to emasculate and dishonour men. In movies, cartoons (i.e. Peppa Pig, The Simpsons and Family Guy) and even series (e.g. Modern Family) men are continuously depicted as being silly, unreasonable and poor decision-makers whilst their spouses are depicted as intelligent and sharp - keeping things in order.

Such imagery has served to destroy the self-confidence and self-assertion of the modern man to the delight of many women. Women delight in the fact that men no longer seek to lead them in patriarchy and are now beneath them. Beneath them you ask? Why yes, men are still expected to romance ladies, protect them from danger, keep them entertained, etc. at their own expense by women who earn just as much, if not more than them. Women have sent the message ‘WE DO NOT NEED YOU’ to men and they have received it and modified their attitudes to dealing with women. You see men rise to meet the demands/responsibilities placed upon them. With absolutely no expectations being required of men, it is no wonder they feel as though they are winning in this ‘down-with-patriarchy’ existence. Men have realised that they can get conjugal benefits without giving any real commitment to women and have resorted to a life of pursuing their pleasures which include the acquisition of nice cars and fancy toys.

 

Resultantly, marriage and fertility rates have lowered dramatically compared to historical times and it is largely because men are not interested in having wives and children (look up the statistics if you think it is a light matter). They have been reduced to a biological function – they are not needed for anything else and they will not play that game it seems. Men are no longer incentivised to be the very people responsible for much of the civilisation we enjoy. Can you imagine what industrial revolution we would have today if men had not invented all that they have invented, or built the superstructures they have built etc. yet that is where we are now. What does the future hold for this patriarchy-hating society? What successful society has thrived without esteeming men as leaders and providers of communities? It seems that this emasculation of the modern man is an action that lacks much foresight.

Ladies your own sons are going to grow to feel as unwanted in the same society you are very happy to build. They will live as second class citizens in the future as their fathers also live in have the mental stresses that arise as a result of feeling inadequate. They will be hounded for child support and kept from their children; you might not see your own grandchildren- that is if these little boys ever grow up wanting to have children of their own.

 

I must emphasise that by making a case for patriarchy I am not by any means implying that women and children should be abused and taken for granted – let it be far from me to even think that. I do not think that any establishment can take any its members for granted and remain successful. However, in my few years on this planet I have observed a strange phenomenon and that is this, for an organisation to operate effectively there must be a hierarchy of roles and responsibilities. I am yet to walk into a restaurant where everyone is a chef and there aren’t any waiters or waitresses or managers. I am yet to walk into a big corporation where everyone is a CEO and there are no subordinates etc. A family is should be established as an organisation which we also wish to see function successfully for the betterment of all the stakeholders involved.

I feel that if we want to have a future as a civilisation then we need to masculinise our men or at least not persecute them for being so already. And yes the men must also lead out of selflessness, not looking to take advantage of the people they are charged to lead and protect. We will explore this in another post.

Until then, let us share, let us grow.

‘Men’s roles are not limited to biological functions but also to the social, moral and educational value that they bring’ - @Africanindiaspo