Whilst I felt it was an irresponsible statement to utter, it is not the first time I have heard such a thing. In fact I have had several conversations with precious @Africanindiaspo sisters in which I have heard them speak of how they can or have changed a man and made him who he is today i.e. from being a bad boy (like P. Diddy). Ironically the majority of these sisters or those with similar attitudes towards men are typically single as they tend to have broken up with the very men they 'created'. They also never seem to be able to make another man as great as the one they previously fashioned and this begs the question, was it all you? It reminds me of a time when I heard of a guy saying that he made Jay-Z as he taught him all he needed to know in order to be a star, and Jay-Z aptly responded in a song by saying something to the effect of, 'I heard some people saying they made Jay-Z, ok so make another Hov'. Simply put he was saying that if you are responsible for me being who I am then make another person as great as I am and it seems that the people referred to in those lyrics have not been able to respond to that remark/challenge.
I digressed a little but I genuinely do not understand why sisters (or women at large) think that men are projects that only they (as specific individuals) can restore from being shattered to being whole. Men do not think that way about women at all. I am sure you have heard the old saying that says ‘you cannot turn a certain type of woman into a housewife’. Men seem to have such deep respect for this profound hip hop philosophical truth. Brothers understand that you cannot change a human being, that you can get them to make a conscious effort to modify their behaviour when you are pursuing each other yes, but when the debris settles and the dust gets swept off the true colours will come out. Unlike women, men will go for the end product always, never the raw materials when seeking a mate to settle down with. That is why you will see the guy who has had his time in the clubs go to church to look for a 'good girl' that sings in the choir when he is considering marriage. On the contrary sisters will leave the choir brothers in the church and look to find that drunkard (such as Frank) in order to make him a choir boy? Haha that is it, that is exactly what sisters do (or at least want to do) and men, being crafty, typically play along until they get what they want; either marriage or just a thrill and then boom the raw material that looked as though it had been transformed into a sparkly finished product reverts back to being a drunkard. It is the weirdest phenomenon; you men should be ashamed of yourselves for doing that. You opportunists you!
As a simple and unsophisticated man I do not know what super powers sisters think that they have that can change a man’s nature. I do not think that Pauline can change someone like Frank - she should not even try. It is a waste of time as the relationship will only end in the future with years wasted and tears shed. Whilst some may think that Pauline could be successful at manufacturing Frank and that if she is not she will learn from the experience, I am a traditionalist who does not believe in casual dating but rather in courtship and marriage. This is largely due to the fact that knowing my luck I will one day have eight daughters and do not want them to go through the motions of emotional and psychological trauma that comes from casual dating. I do not want any sons I may have to be the cause of the emotional pain of other men's princesses either. Certain experiences cannot be recovered from, such as abuse, breach of trust or contracting HIV. I mean even businesses try to minimise risks as much as possible.
I see life partners like houses - which person in their right mind would buy a dilapidated house on which to carry out renovations when they cannot hire a builder and cannot fix the house themselves when they could just as easily buy a house in great condition that only requires the rooms to be painted different colours? In the first instance you have a house with so many issues that cannot be fixed even if you deplete all of your financial resources to try to do so. In the second instance you have a house that requires minimal work. A responsible individual would invest their time and resources acquiring the second type of house I am sure. I would imagine a similar decision-making framework would be highly appropriate for choosing a mate, life is hard under the best conditions; there is no need to complicate it by pairing yourself with someone who will cause you strain with no end.
My @Africanindiaspo sisters if you really want projects/challenges I encourage you to take up knitting or crocheting and make blankets, scarves, etc. Do not entangle yourselves in difficult relationships and marriages to bad boys when you are in your prime/youth only to find yourselves alone and/with children in your late 30s wondering where all the good men are. Most of them would have moved on and the rest would not be interested in broken/used goods. That's just the way it is, some things will never change, oh yeah.
It is usually said
that good guys finish last, that is not true. It is in fact the good girls that
deal with bad boys that finish last in the end’ - @Africanindiaspo
Well said!
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