Why do black women hate that black men can be attracted to women of other races?

I am a big fan of music. I mean love music from all cultures and walks of life; any tune with good instrumentation, good melodies and decent lyrics gets thumbs up from me. So the other day I was on YouTube bumping some Naija tunes (shout out to all my Naija @Africanindiaspos) whilst at work when the autoplay function on YouTube brought on some P-Square. Yes like Rick Ross I be bumping P-Square – Bawse. I digress as usual. Moving on, two P-Square songs that I was particularly intrigued by were ‘Collabo’ and ‘Taste the money’. Since I enjoyed the songs I figured I would watch the videos during my lunch break which I did and all of us know that when you watch anything online you have to check the comments to find out what people are saying/thinking and I was startled by some of the comments.

 

The comments that startled me were all from black women. Whilst everyone else enjoyed the music and found the videos to be ‘modern’ it seems that quite a few black dark-skinned women felt the need to express their disgust at the choice of girls depicted in the P-Square music videos. As we all probably know music videos typically have lead people in them (apart from the artists) and they may be men or women. In the ‘Taste the money’ video the lead girl was a white blonde lady and this triggered some serious backlash from our sisters. One lady in particular said, ‘This is the kind of video I hate. These guys come from a country where they probably saw poverty's dammages. Now that they got money, they make videos where they show how rich they are and where they have fun with white girls like lol, like white people had finally accepted them as equal because of their money.. Lol’. This was not the only comment of this nature in the comments section and one might be tempted to think that these women are correct in saying that P-Square have no right to be involving white women in their videos when they could be promoting black beauty. However, that is not what these dark-skinned women want. I soon discovered that by watching the ‘Collabo’ video in which the lead girl was a black woman.

Whilst some of the black women were simultaneously criticizing the song and expressing their joy at the fact that P-Square at least had a black girl as a lead, other black women were still saying that P-Square should have gone for a darker-skinned even more beautiful girl. One woman even spitefully called P-Square ugly which is quite ironic. If you call a dark individual ugly based on their skin tone how can you expect them to be attracted to dark women and even further than that how can you expect them to want to have dark-skinned ugly children who look like them? I ask too many questions but perhaps it is because people spew too much garbage.

It seems to me that black dark-skinned women who behave in such a way and call themselves ‘Mama Africa’, the pillars of black families are not as strong and as loving as they purport themselves to be. It seems, rather, that they are weak-minded (I am not talking about Monday to Friday) and controlling to the extent that they feel that the depiction of any other group of women as beautiful would render them ugly and displace them in beauty/dating pool. So to stop that from happening they make it their mission to bash down their own brothers (for having any interest in any other group of women) whilst they are wearing weave to look like the very women they despise – white/biracial/Brazilian women.

Let us not forget that P-Square has numerous other music videos in which the lead girls are black and that Peter and Paul Okoye are both married to a black women but that does not seem to matter to some of my dear sisters. They still want to rule every part of the black existence and that makes me wonder, ‘how are black men supposed to become more attracted to black women with such characters?’ Here I go again asking too many questions, but it is true though that this and many other character flaws serve to drive black men into the arms of women of other races. My sisters please know this that many of you are very beautiful and I have a black partner myself and would not have it any other way. However, please do not force us to see that you are pretty. Instead let your character and virtues draw us to you and trust me no one will be able to compete with you.

I have not seen black men act in the same manner of bashing down black women for their interests in other races and yet many black women still seem to love us. That is despite what we see on YouTube which is black women flaunting their white love interests or knowing that some of the most beautiful and prominent black women such as Maya Angelou, Diana Ross, Whoopi Goldberg, Sanaa Lathan, Kerry Washington, Heather Headley (the list goes on) are married to have been married to white men. Whoopi Goldberg has even been married to white men 3 times.

My sisters do not look for validation on white-owned media. Switch off your televisions and be yourselves and please do not be hypocrites about an individual’s preference of skin tone or race. I remember once as young man going to a party with a light-skinned friend of mine and having dark-skinned women totally disregard me whilst acknowledging my buddy as eye-candy. It cut me deep, cut me like surgery with no anesthesia and for a time I wanted to be light skinned until I realised that hey ‘I’ve got a lovable personality and that is way better than being fair or white with no personality’.

My precious sisters your character should be so great that when a brother goes for someone of a different race, you shouldn’t feel the need to bash them but to rather pity them for missing out on a great mate like yourselves.

                                                                                                                                

Until next time, let us share let us grow.

‘Race should not pervade the discussion of love or choice of a mate for love is not about colour but character’ - @Africanindiaspo

Zimbabwean child swears at his mother, is he to blame?

Recently there has been a viral video (link to video: http://nehandatv.com/2015/06/07/spoilt-rotten-zimbo-kid-cursing-at-parent) making the circles of social media of a young black boy with a Zimbabwean mother it seems, and he was going off at her as well as his aunt for calling him into the house when he still wanted to be out playing with his friends late into the night. I understand that I am a little late to the ‘trending’ party but I feel as though I should express my opinion about this video as it is closer to home (being that I am Zimbabwean myself). I believe it is an incident many of us can take lessons from as it could easily become a recurrent theme amongst the @Africanindiaspo communities though I feel it is already more common than people care to believe.

 

Off the bat I must ask the questions, who recorded that video and why? How did it go from the device it was recorded on to being viral? There were two adult women who were present in that predicament and one of them recorded the debased ordeal. I find that disgusting and that should be more shocking to everyone who watches the video than any behaviour that the child displayed.

 

I believe that a child’s behaviour is mostly reflective of the upbringing and instruction he/she has had. Of course children are innately mischievous and that cannot be helped but not to the extent displayed by that little boy. Did anyone notice that as he was cursing out (and having his little tantrum) he was actually playing on an iPhone? I have found this to be a common trend amongst both African and British parents here in the UK - that is to give their children unfettered access to the internet. The diaspora-born child of your typical @Africanindiaspo is bombarded with sexual images from birth on TV and hears all sorts of explicit words in public, to give them unrestricted access to the internet at a tender age is to pour fuel to the fire. That means pornography and even more debased language is a click of a button away and many parents are making this mistake. I do not believe it is intentional but it is being made all the same. The problem is exacerbated by the fact that many @Africanindiaspo parents do not sit down with their kids to find out what is going on in their minds so they can deconstruct any build-up of western beliefs or ideas. Your typical @Africanindiaspo actually raises their child as though they were in Africa where there is very little swearing and sexualisation of men and women in the mainstream media and society. It is no wonder that even our religious beliefs are no longer palatable to children being born and raised in the diaspora, we are not taking the time to find out where they are at.

 

Another weird but prevalent phenomenon common amongst many of the @Africanindiaspo is this deep-seeded inferiority complex whereby many African parents are really proud to have their kids as removed from African culture as possible. Many love the fact that their child cannot speak their native language (which they never bothered to teach the child) and are even more elated to say things like ‘my child is the only black child at his/her school’. No word of a lie. It is no wonder then that children such as that young boy end up saying they have no affiliations with the motherland as they identify it as archaic and disease-ridden - just as the propagandised images show Africa to be.

 

There are serious conflicting thoughts going on in the minds of descendants of any @Africanindiaspo. At one juncture they are exposed to African values and culture with relatives and within religious communities which their parents do not teach them to value on a daily basis, at another juncture they are exposed to extreme Western ideologies and behaviours on a more consistent basis (i.e. in school and with friends) which their parents do not want them to fully adapt once more. It seems the Western ways typically prevail as these kids end up being more extreme than their Western counterparts due to their desperate need to receive approval within at least one group of people. @Africanindiaspo parents end up extremely disillusioned as their children become rebellious and they genuinely wonder why.

 

I must express this to my beloved @Africanindiaspo brothers and sisters living in the UK - if it possible for you to pay a little more in rental premiums or spend more on a mortgage to live in a safer neighbourhood then please do so if you have children. Whilst high-density urban areas in Africa are populated with well-mannered and responsible people, in the UK areas with cheaper accommodation are often populated with rough and substance-abusing individuals who often raise poor-mannered children which will inevitably school with your children and possibly be their friends.

 

Now this is where I turn into a chauvinist I suppose by asking where is the father of this boy? Where are the fathers of many of the children of @Africanindiaspo mothers? It seems many of my beloved sisters have traded the truth that ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ for the lie that ‘girls run the world’. Sisters you cannot raise children, especially sons, without the presence of a male authoritarian figure. As a child growing up whenever I misbehaved my mother would say ‘I am going to tell your father’, and that would calm me right down. In the absence of a father, sisters please have brothers in your lives to have that influence over your sons and daughters. It will do more good than harm.

 

Finally, to the woman who called the ordeal with that child nonsense, you are the problem with children growing up in the diaspora. You did not diffuse the situation, you worsened it and you are the reason many children are embittered with their parents.

 

Until next time beloved, let us share, let us grow.

 

‘Children’s behaviours and attitudes are like mirrors that reflect the investment or lack thereof made into their lives by those charged with their guardianship’ - @Africanindiaspo

2015 the age of the mindless fashionistas and inexperienced philosophers

I was on the bus the other day, minding my own business, when from the corner of my eye I saw something that crushed my heart. I saw a young black male wearing the tightest pair of jeans I have ever seen on a man and it struck me – this is our future.

 

You see growing up in Africa fashion was not something that men expended too many efforts on. No! Men were more consumed with discussing politics, pursuing education (through books and academic institutions) as well as working hard to provide for extended families. My friends and I never seemed to care much about fashion either whilst growing up in these societies. Yes we liked to have the latest basketball sneakers and some cool clothes for the times we would go and hang out at the malls but our ultimate goals were to exhibit prowess on the sports fields whether it was playing rugby, soccer, basketball, cricket, etc. We were also under immense pressure from our parents to obtain good grades and pursue high-flying careers in the corporate world which many of us have done as much as opportunity was afforded to us.

 

This does not seem to be the mind-set of my many dear young black brothers over here in the diaspora; they are typically not focused on their academics and are quite effeminate. I wish I could say exactly why things are so. It might be partly because many of them were latch-key kids, i.e. they stayed at home alone whilst their parents were at work and thus did not have much supervision and/or instruction. They are the generation that has raised itself (hmm sounds like another post idea). I digress. Perhaps it is because their parents have not held them to account because they did not directly pay for any of the education they received – primary and secondary education is free in the United Kingdom you see.

 

Young black immigrant males seem to be focused on fashion instead, these young men are all about the Versace (Versace!) and it is when you engage them in conversation that you realise that they have very little to talk about, they do not have independent minds or opinions about much of what affects their existence. Similarly, although women are expected to take greater care in their appearance than men as such have been the societal norms since times past, many young black women in the diaspora seem to have all become fashion bloggers very suddenly and without much notice. They too are typically mentally shallow and devoid of any aspirations to learn and develop their mind or soul. They have that weave on fleek though (LOL I’m just a hater).

 

The advent of low-cost good-quality retailers such as Primark has allowed individuals to be photo-shoot fresh on a daily basis and at very low costs for that matter. This has given many of our young men and women the confidence to be professional outfit co-ordinators on social media and some have earned decent money from it too – hats off to them (no pun intended). However, they have not invested in their minds thus the title – mindless fashionistas. Many of the values, morals and culture that formed responsible adults out of the Africans born in the 80s and beyond have evaded this generation of mindless fashionistas and yet they seem to have dual careers. They are also part-time philosophers.

 

Yes my dear @Africanindiaspo the emergent generation of young adults from the motherland living in the diaspora, with their very little life experience and even fewer achievements except maybe losing some excess weight, is unapologetically philosophical. They will get behind a camera and teach their age mates about how important it is for them to be happy at any cost. Although they have done absolutely nothing to better themselves as individuals they will post or watch videos on the type of guy that they should have and how he ought to treat them (entitlement?). I mean the other day I stumbled upon one such video, a young black lady was teaching others about how it is important to not be worried about your boyfriend leaving a mess in the house and how women should suppress their natural inclination to have a tidy house, etc. This particular young lady has even more videos on self-confidence. She cannot be more than 25 years old and here she is spewing ‘wisdom’ to young impressionable girls who are the future of tomorrow. All I could think is how simple and idealistic the minds of our brothers and sisters are being programmed to become by people who still have milk on their noses (they are yet to discover what life is all about as they are still babies).

 

Now I myself am not that old and I do not by any means wish to give off the impression that I have full knowledge about life, ha that would be the biggest lie ever told. However, I have come to appreciate the wisdom that lies in the grey hairs of those older than me and wish that my young brothers and sisters could put their interest in fashion and philosophy aside and sit at the feet of their parents, older relatives or any other mature adults they have access to.

 

Perhaps I am not hip to the times? Perhaps I am bitter because I am not fashionable but how about the typical @Africanindiaspo looks to have their brain and knowledge of self on fleek more than they seek to look good and babble about life which they know nothing of. After all it used to be intellectuals that used to philosophise in times gone by.

 

Until next time, let us share let us grow.

‘The youth of today must acknowledge that they are the future of tomorrow and must therefore hold themselves to serious account for their deeds and misdeeds’ - @Africanindiaspo

 

 

 

Is patriarchy an outdated concept?

Patriarchy (a social system in which males hold primary power, predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property; in the domain of the family, fathers or father-figures hold authority over women and children) seems to be a dated concept in modern society whether it is here in the diaspora or even back home in the motherland.

With Father’s day having passed quite recently I have been a witness to the global masculinisation of mothers (who have looked after children in the absence of male figures in the home) on social media. ‘Happy Father’s day to all the men who took care of their responsibilities as well as any women that had to be both a mother and a father,’ said one of my online contacts. I, personally, found this to be extremely offensive to men all around the world. The one day that has been set aside for the celebration of their efforts to provide for and be there for their children has to now be shared with women. Please bear in mind that we have never seen this happen the other way around, i.e. men being hailed as queens on Mother’s Day despite the fact that there are many single fathers raising children on their own.

It seems as though the world (with the exception of some of the more traditional societies) has become so civilised that it has lost any respect or need for fathers and men, the very group of people who fought in battles to either obtain or retain any form of freedom the same people now enjoy. This is total disregard for the idiom that says, ‘do not bite the hand that feeds you.’  In the quest to settle gender scores, it seems that popular culture has accomplished a secondary objective which is to emasculate and dishonour men. In movies, cartoons (i.e. Peppa Pig, The Simpsons and Family Guy) and even series (e.g. Modern Family) men are continuously depicted as being silly, unreasonable and poor decision-makers whilst their spouses are depicted as intelligent and sharp - keeping things in order.

Such imagery has served to destroy the self-confidence and self-assertion of the modern man to the delight of many women. Women delight in the fact that men no longer seek to lead them in patriarchy and are now beneath them. Beneath them you ask? Why yes, men are still expected to romance ladies, protect them from danger, keep them entertained, etc. at their own expense by women who earn just as much, if not more than them. Women have sent the message ‘WE DO NOT NEED YOU’ to men and they have received it and modified their attitudes to dealing with women. You see men rise to meet the demands/responsibilities placed upon them. With absolutely no expectations being required of men, it is no wonder they feel as though they are winning in this ‘down-with-patriarchy’ existence. Men have realised that they can get conjugal benefits without giving any real commitment to women and have resorted to a life of pursuing their pleasures which include the acquisition of nice cars and fancy toys.

 

Resultantly, marriage and fertility rates have lowered dramatically compared to historical times and it is largely because men are not interested in having wives and children (look up the statistics if you think it is a light matter). They have been reduced to a biological function – they are not needed for anything else and they will not play that game it seems. Men are no longer incentivised to be the very people responsible for much of the civilisation we enjoy. Can you imagine what industrial revolution we would have today if men had not invented all that they have invented, or built the superstructures they have built etc. yet that is where we are now. What does the future hold for this patriarchy-hating society? What successful society has thrived without esteeming men as leaders and providers of communities? It seems that this emasculation of the modern man is an action that lacks much foresight.

Ladies your own sons are going to grow to feel as unwanted in the same society you are very happy to build. They will live as second class citizens in the future as their fathers also live in have the mental stresses that arise as a result of feeling inadequate. They will be hounded for child support and kept from their children; you might not see your own grandchildren- that is if these little boys ever grow up wanting to have children of their own.

 

I must emphasise that by making a case for patriarchy I am not by any means implying that women and children should be abused and taken for granted – let it be far from me to even think that. I do not think that any establishment can take any its members for granted and remain successful. However, in my few years on this planet I have observed a strange phenomenon and that is this, for an organisation to operate effectively there must be a hierarchy of roles and responsibilities. I am yet to walk into a restaurant where everyone is a chef and there aren’t any waiters or waitresses or managers. I am yet to walk into a big corporation where everyone is a CEO and there are no subordinates etc. A family is should be established as an organisation which we also wish to see function successfully for the betterment of all the stakeholders involved.

I feel that if we want to have a future as a civilisation then we need to masculinise our men or at least not persecute them for being so already. And yes the men must also lead out of selflessness, not looking to take advantage of the people they are charged to lead and protect. We will explore this in another post.

Until then, let us share, let us grow.

‘Men’s roles are not limited to biological functions but also to the social, moral and educational value that they bring’ - @Africanindiaspo