10 things I would tell my son!

1. You are neither, and never will be, a black king or a prince but you are my world
2. Never did I not want to be your dad
3. Your manhood is not determined by the number of women you can get to sleep with you
4. Do not be led by your sexual desires, that is how great men fall
5. Men and women cannot be friends, respect the differences between males and females
6. The best gift you can give your wife is saving yourself for her
7. Treat women the same way you would want your mother, sisters and daughters to be treated
8. Don't be afraid of working hard, as a man you should equip yourself to be a provider and a protector
9. I know what it's like to be a man, I'm always here to help you understand life
10. At the end of life is death, we all go down to the grave therefore do not get puffed up with whatever you achieve.

10 things I would tell my daughter!

1. You are neither, and never will be, a black queen or a princess but you are my world
2. Never did I not want to be your dad
3. Your worth is not tied up in your beauty but in your character - invest in developing what counts
4. Your mother did not carry you for 9 months just so you can turn out to be an object of men's lust
5. Men and women cannot be friends, respect the differences between males and females
6. The best gift you can give your husband is saving yourself for him
7. Do not accept gifts from men you are not related to; men never do something for nothing
8. Develop your mind, work hard but do not let your achievements fill you with self-conceit i.e. don't ever think you don't need a man
9. Always come to me to talk through life, I exist to be here for you
10. You are a black girl and will one day be a black woman, never feel less than anyone. Your skin and hair are beautiful the way they were made.

Why have @Africanindiaspo kids turned away from Christianity? - Part 2

This post has me feeling like Mase - welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. I am sure that if you are reading this you have read part one of the above-mentioned title. In that initial post I described how, in my opinion, hypocrisy in the home is one of the greatest stumbling blocks for @Africanindiaspo youths/children when it comes to embracing religion, more specifically Christianity, as we know it. I used Christianity as the religion of choice as that is the one that I was exposed to as a child growing up in Zimbabwe. Moving on from that; in this post I am going to give arguments for how I believe hypocrisy within churches is another determinant in the creation these 'wayward' children/youths. 

I have heard it often said that children are like sponges as they are always learning and repeating what they see around them; yet I wonder whether African Christian adults take these wise words seriously. I do not think many do as they expose their children to faux leather, faux locks and faux/hypocritical Christianity. I feel that in the same way that people would happily buy fake variations of Nike trainers if there was no known/accepted trademark tick and correct spelling of the brand, many @Africanindiaspo youths/children would happily embrace Christianity if there were no prescribed ways of living/conduct stipulated in the bible. The very same bible that African pastors are opening every Saturday/Sunday in their services (and yet living opposing lives to) is causing @Africanindiaspo children/youth to look at the religion these men and women profess with much contempt. It literally is like carrying out a campaign to raise awareness about what original Nike trainers look like and then selling fakes to these enlightened people. 

My dear brothers and sisters I do not claim to be a biblical scholar (I have not attended healing or miracle school) but I have read the book enough times to notice a few contradictions that have affected many of us who grew up believing in the message of Jesus. 

Sexual immorality
One of the main things that many youth pastors and Sunday school teachers felt was important for me to understand whilst growing up was that sex was reserved only for a husband and his wife. I am convinced that many other 'churched' young @Africanindiaspo youth/children endured the same instruction and were bombarded with bible verses to support these rules. That is not a bad thing to be encouraged to observe as a child until you grow up to realise that the same pastors/elders/deacons touting 'purity' have themselves been engaged in all sorts of sexual immorality. One particular Zimbabwean 'Pentecostal' pastoress named Bonnie Deuschle not only cheated on her husband but even had a love child from her adulterous fling. Although she did come clean to her church she still continued as the pastor of the church which in itself is a violation of two verses which are namely 1 Timothy 2 vs 12 and Titus 1 vs 6-8. These verses say that a pastor/elder should be a MAN and that the man must have no fault/bad reputation. What about Rory Alec who was enjoying the money he was making from his God TV channel before disappearing into the sunset with a Russian lady? And then there is Eddie Long who groomed three young men to be his lovers and all the countless church leaders in various African churches sleeping with other members' wives?  

Only two behaviours can emerge from children exposed to this kind of buffoonery. They will either live double lives themselves and still consider themselves holy or they will completely walk away from the farce in order to uphold some integrity with themselves which is what many seem to be doing.

Greed for money and wild miracles
In addition to the serial adulterers of today; capitalism, globalisation and materialism have paved the way for a new breed of pastors - the likes of which have never been seen before. These pastors have got so great super powers that they must dress in tailor-made suits, live in mansions, drive supercars, move with entourages and be referred to as Papas, Prophets or Apostles.

They are endowed with special access to 'God' and can grant their lucky followers the many desires of their hearts - from weight loss to phone top up to miracle money as well as deliverance from spiritual wives, children, dogs, goats, etc. They perform incredible tricks to enhance their 'credibility' too like Shepherd Bushiri who walks on air and can take spiritual photos on iPads (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nTk5xcN_dyY). However, one must be informed that in order for the god of these men to act one must sow some kind of financial seed by means of tithe, purchasing a DVD, a rubber band charm or anointing oil. As a result these men have profited tremendously off the backs of poor Africans to the point of affording private jets, super cars and mansions. Yes - @Africanindiaspo children/youth attend churches where men like Adeboye, Oyedepo, Creflo Dollar, etc. collect enough tithes and offerings from their parents to be able to fly and/or drive around in style. The very same parents who do not provide anything more that shelter and food for their children are sponsoring these cons. The poor kids see through the pretence and disapprovingly recognise the greed of these prophets as well as the falseness of their miracles when they read in the bible verses like 1 Timothy 6 vs 1-8 and Mark 13 vs 22. And since one cannot touch the anointed, one might as well walk away.

The things I have mentioned to you my dear brother/sister are just a tip of the iceberg (not the lettuce, lol). I remember I once spoke to a young @Africanindiaspo brother who told me that he could no longer attend church after attending a gathering in which people were giving offering by chip and pin. Another lady told me how over a period of time she amassed debt after being guilt-tripped into paying her tithes by credit card as she had no disposable income after paying her bills at the end of the month. And many more acquaintances have told me of how they have had loved ones die after refusing to take medication for chronic diseases which they believed they were healed from by 'men of God'.

Children see this trickery/foolishness and in a world in which they are indoctrinated with evolutionary theories which seem to follow a logical flow of thoughts, a pragmatic world for that matter, they prefer to walk away from hypocrisy and blatant lies. It seems that there is more lust for worldly things in churches than there is outside. Members compete with one another, pledging money and testifying of or showing off their God-given wealth. They ignore verses that encourage contentment and modesty as well as the fact that most of their leaders are often divorced and in second, third and fourth adulterous marriages i.e. Chris Oyakhilome, Duncan Williams, etc.

The worst part is that in these churches are seemingly genuine people but they do not have a voice and when they are in financial/emotional need, they are always offered prayer and never assisted. Perhaps God should miraculously put food in their mouths and clothing on their backs I suppose? That is whilst the pastors pass the chip and pin around.
Until next time, let us share and grow.

'How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.' - Luke 6 vs 42.

 

A single mother cannot raise a boy to be a man!

I know some people are not going to like this post but I am compelled to write it nonetheless. As always my intent is not to create a divide between men and women but to offer a constructive perspective that can take us forward as @Africanindiaspos.


Some time ago I made the statement that ‘a single mother cannot raise a boy to be a man’ to a group of @Africanindiaspo brothers and sisters and typically as well as understandably got some serious backlash for it. One of the people who sharply disagreed with me was a lady who was and still is a great (single) mother of four children. 'My children are turning out alright', she said, 'I don't need to be with their father for me to raise my sons', she added. Another brother who had an absent father, like many typical African children, also chimed in and added that although he had been pretty much raised by his mother he had turned out okay, thus implying that my statement/conviction was as redundant as UK call centre employees.


I was not (in any way, shape or form) trying to insinuate that single/widowed mothers are intellectually incompetent individuals when it comes to the task of raising male children. Neither was I trying to implicate that the only suitable conditions in which a young boy can become a man are when his parents are happily married or living together. Although that would be ideal for producing stable citizens of tomorrow, it is an unrealistic feat in today's society in which children proudly born out of wedlock and one in which women hold divorce parties. What I was trying to communicate instead was that in the event that a mother has sole custody of her male child following the death of her husband/partner, divorce or a night of passion with a stranger, etc. she needs to ensure her son has a manly male role model who will be an authority over him, disciplining and teaching him how to be a man. Failure to do so will lead to the upbringing of an effeminate, intemperate and indecisive mummy’s boy. Whilst the father of that child is always the best person to be tasked with this responsibility, in my opinion, if he has passed or is disinterested in being involved with his son then a trustworthy/dependable and willing uncle/grandfather is always a good substitute.


Why do I feel this way? Well I could attribute that to my upbringing and the traits I have witnessed amongst the many families and friends I have been acquainted with in my short time on earth. Growing up my father only beat me once whilst my mother, on the other hand, seemed to have a keen interest to make up for him not doing so. However, as much as she did not spare the rod, my father is the one I feared (even as a child) and whenever my mother wanted me to behave all that she had to say was 'I am going to tell Dhedhi (daddy)'. Just the mention of my father would bring any nuisance behaviour to an abrupt end as I understood that this man who loved me as his own could easily kill me. It must have been the depth of his voice or his soberness that made me fear him the most, I don’t know but as they say ‘still waters run deep’. Anyway as I grew older the belt and shamhu (twig) as well as many other weapons of choice employed by mother to correct me stopped to hurt me to the point that I began to even laugh whenever my mother disciplined me. All the while whilst the fear of my father remained. This is not something I was taught to be and yet many of my male friends developed in the very same way.


Whilst this fear/respect of authority as a child seems harsh/abusive to the hippie children of today I believe it was beneficial in my life at ensuring that I lived according to the rules of our home. This in turn has made me a good citizen of society as it is has been easy for me to submit, for a lack of a better word, to the authority of my teachers, the police and government. This is a characteristic that is not prevalent in the countless young people of today and with greater consequences among the countless young black American men who have died at the hands of the police. Many of these young men were not sober-minded but emotionally-charged like women. Thing is; in the real world men receive greater punishment than women for the same crimes so for a man to behave like his mother is to be left immensely exposed. Although many of the @Africanindiaspo male children/youth, raised or being raised by single mothers, that I have encountered have not been murdered by the police they too have been very emotionally imbalanced as well as unambitious. It becomes more apparent as to why this is so when you spend time in some of these single mother households and realise how their mothers have speak down to them - something that has happened to them all their lives. Mothers would do such a thing (in order to maintain control over a child who would otherwise end up behaving wildly) without realising how this type of speech could damage that child as a boy/man which is why women need to control how they speak to their spouses/partners. Although my mother tried to do this with me as a child from time to time my father was always there to stop and correct her as well as keep her from dressing me up like a pimp doll. Do you not see this happening? The lack of masculinity in the home has bred the metrosexual/fashionista male. That is not to say that I only needed my father once I got past a certain age - because the presence of my mother in my life taught me many virtues to seek in a future partner. She was also very useful at pleading with my dad to be a bit more merciful when he was too firm. I have found and continue to find that balance to be extremely helpful at producing a man out of a male child.


As I mentioned earlier many young men raised by single mothers are typically unambitious and one benefit I have enjoyed from having my father in my life is accountability – something that the best of mothers usually cannot hold their sons to. Throughout my life (that is from when I was in primary school until I finished university) my father always sat down with me scrutinising every report I brought home, comparing it to the previous one. Although I know that some children, such as Ben Carson, may thrive or have thrived academically without their fathers' input I would venture to say that they are exceptions and not rules. I am not, by any scratch of my imagination, the brightest bulb in the box but I have shined well because my father said I could and also because he expected me to do so.  


Also there are many age-appropriate things that fathers push their sons to do which mothers struggle with such as when to fly the nest, become financially independent, etc. And whilst it may be okay to infantilise young women, such behaviour has greater consequences for a young man in the feminised 21^st century.  I have learned that men thrive when they are obligated to survive and most fathers understand this which is why they challenge their sons to set out just like lions do. We all know that lions live in prides which consist of a few lionesses, a dominant lion and some younger male lions which are typically the offspring of the dominant lion. I say typically offspring because when a lion takes over a pride, it displaces or kills the dominant male and also kills any cubs in order to bring the lionesses into heat. Once the lion has taken over the pride it has to defend the pride from other roaming males and produce its own cubs which when they are taught how to hunt and fight before they are evicted from the pride for them to go and take create or takeover their own.

 

 

‘It may take a village to raise a child but only a man can raise a man out of a young boy’ - @Africanindiaspo

Why do black/African men and women embrace music that destroys them?

This post has been on my mind for a while and I am glad it has finally come to fruition. I was not planning on writing it this soon into my blogging but I was on Twitter the other day when an @Africanindiaspo sister I follow wrote something on her feed that triggered a response from me. Her tweet was about how she cannot help but enjoy and dance to music she finds derogatory towards women due to the overwhelming talent of the artists. I was amused by this sentiment which is shared by many @Africanindiaspo sisters but never owned up to by @Africanindiaspo brothers who are also often insulted by many songs they consume.

 

As I said this is something I had been thinking about prior to this incident. I had been reflecting on the lyrics of Western/Caribbean/African black people's songs, lyrics such as:

 

1.      'Catch you slipping I'mma kill you, I aint playing hear what I'm saying homie I aint playing' - Heat - 50 Cent'

2.      'I just got rich took a broke n****'s chic' - Loyal - Chris Brown

3.      'That's why I f****d your b**** - Hit 'em up - Tupac

4.      'I stay flossing in that candy paint, Blowin dank, Sippin drank on 84 swangers, Tearin up the lane' - Flossing - Mike Jones

5.      'Wanna put my fingers through your hair, Wrap me up in your legs, And love you till your eyes roll back, I'm tryna put you to bed, bed, bed' - Bed - J Holiday

6.      'All I want is your waist' - Ur Waist - Iyanya.

7.      'So f***in inna wata f***in inna sea f***in inna bushes and f***in inna tree' - Dutty wine - Tony Matterhorn

 

This list could be much, much longer but I am sure you catch my drift?

 

Although, I have always known that black music/culture to be predominantly geared towards either promoting violence, taking each other's women, showing off to each other, the objectification of black women or the mass sexualisation of young black minds I had never thought of one thing. I had never thought of why black people embrace this imagery so much whilst white people do not - at least not to the same extent. After all this very music is available to whites as it is to blacks. In fact in the past I had even passionately debated with friends and colleagues about how the powers that control mainstream media are responsible for projecting certain behaviours onto blacks by constantly bombarding them with debased music and films as an acceptable way of life but here I was now asking myself whether it was fair to absolve black/African people of their part in this mess. To do so would be to suggest that black people are incompetent/mindless individuals who can be involuntarily programmed to behave in certain ways would it not?  

 

I know some may argue that it is typically the instrumentals and catchy choruses that lead to garbage music being widely accepted by our brothers and sisters and to a certain extent I think it is a fair thing to say but even then why does ‘white music’ not promote the same level of animosity towards your like-skinned brother/sister as black music does? It also has catchy choruses and well-produced instrumentals but how often do you hear a white RnB gangsta artist sing about how he wants to take the significant other/b**** of another white man who is not in a great financial position today but is probably one of the many that supported him to be who he is today? How does that even compute? I helped you Chris Brown to become a celebrity by buying your CDs/MP3s when you were a little boy with dreams of looking after your single mother and now all of a sudden you are calling me broke and taking my woman? My @Africanindiaspos is it still the white man's fault when I continue to buy tickets to go to Chris' show to listen to him remind me of how horrible my life is and risk having him take my new girlfriend backstage? I really have to be under a spell to do that don't I? At this juncture it would be expected of everybody to hate Chris (lol) or at least boycott him and yet the opposite happens as artists like him gain even greater followings amongst black. Also, as a side note, how does a man who hits such high notes as he does still maintain a respectable thug image? Imagine Justin Timberlake being embroiled in a thug lifestyle after singing cry me a river. I do not think his fan base would remain intact and yet we as black folks (although we may be stirred) do not seem shaken by the behaviours of people like Chris Brown and Usher.

 

Heck when we are not at threat of losing our better halves to Chris Brown and his other coloured friends (let it sink in) we are being threatened by the likes of 50 Cent and his G-Unit crew or whatever it may be these days. Picture a stadium packed with white people listening to an esteemed white gangsta person and his friends (who have genuine criminal records) singing to the crowd about how they will kill them and the crowd dancing away. This is what our brothers and sisters do, we buy into this culture of provocation and terror. Therefore it comes as no surprise that at times there are fights and/or shootings at these live shows as black men kill black men. Notorious B.I.G and Tupac died over a long-standing feud, T.I and Floyd Mayweather fought over insults, The Game beat up a man called Glocc 40 and was a victim of physical abuse himself at the hands of another thug who ended up being murdered. But hey it is not our fault though, it's them damn white folk and these good beats that have put weapons in our hands and sown dissension amongst us from the days of slavery. We have no choice in this. Yes we do not, because if the KKK released a mixed tape about lynching blacks and how they love slavery we would dance to it if the chorus was catchy and the instrumentation was ‘popping’. If not then that suggests to me that we (independently-minded and intelligent blacks) love the behaviours/lifestyles promoted by the songs sung/rapped by brothers and sisters, not just the beats. Now that is food for thought. To add, when have you ever seen white celebrities shooting at each other or fighting in public as I just previously mentioned?

 

I wish this culture was restricted to black Americans (who I no longer admire like I did as an impressionable teen in Africa) but it is also promoted here in the UK in places like Manchester, London, Birmingham, etc. by some pathetic Grime musicians and unfortunately this cancer has spread and affected African music/youth culture too. I have experienced, first-hand, young black men fighting over territories and school crests in order to live up to the fallacious, egotistical personas propagated by hip hop music which they know to be deviant based on their cultural values and religious upbringings. It seems then that the conscious attraction to this demeaning music subconsciously yields behaviours consistent with the messages it promotes. And unfortunately we cannot ignore how over-sexualised we as blacks are made to be from the sleazy R&B music that also forms part of our culture. Which other race of people has a genre of music they call baby-making music. Which other group of people has all of its teens rubbing themselves on each other in the name of dancing (Jamaicans are the worst at doing this)? This combined with the lack of sexual health education makes for a ticking time bomb with soaring rates of HIV affecting blacks more than whites. HIV may have been developed in a lab as some conspiracists believe, but we willingly spread it amongst ourselves with such music that measures a black man’s manhood not by his ability to provide for his family or to be the head of his home/clan but by how many women he can say he has slept with.

 

My dear @Africanindiaspo brothers and sisters let us boycott such destructive culture if we desire to be different. One thing that helped me was to realise, as an adolescent, that most of the rap music I was being influenced by was being written/produced by unintelligent thugs who have absolutely no care for the effects their music has on their own kind. Since then I have discovered more sophisticated genres of music such as jazz, neo-soul and I have even reverted to my traditional music heroes such as Oliver Mtukudzi, Leonard Dembo, etc. This music inspires me to be and to do better in life. It does not seek to rot my moral fibre and neither does it drive me to kill my brother nor push me to prove my manliness through infidelity.

 

‘The ‘demise’ of the black race cannot be entirely blamed on white supremacy but rather due to the lack of self-responsibility’ - @Africanindiaspo

Why have @Africaindiaspo kids turned away from Christianity? - Part 1

Growing up in the motherland I observed how religion underpinned much of life, from praying before meals, praying before/after travelling to praying and singing at weddings, funerals and of course religious gatherings. Christianity was and still is the widely-held belief in Zimbabwe and the religion I have been exposed to, thus it makes sense for it to be the only one I comment on.

 

As a youngster church attendance was not optional, no. In fact even as a young adult staying at home (here in the diaspora) with my parents it remained a compulsory family ritual to the extent that I felt really bad if I ever missed a Sunday service. One could say I was deeply religious at the time and when people at school asked me what my beliefs were I would often respond, ‘Pentecostal Christian’ without any hesitation at all although my ‘lifestyle’ reflected no semblance of my professed faith. It was only when I got a little older and started to develop my own understanding of life, holding what the bible says against church practices, that I realised not only how hypocritical I was but also how overwhelmingly hypocritical the majority of @Africanindiaspo Christians and churches were. I realised then why Christianity did not appeal to me and many of the @Africanindiaspos who were my age at the time.

 

You see children in Africa, just like African adults interact with national politicians; do not ask any questions that challenge the status quo as such insubordination can lead to serious disciplinary action. Consequentially, African children (and in some instances adults) typically do not appear to have minds of their own, that is how a grown man’s parents can influence him to leave his spouse for another more suitable/subservient woman – a woman they prefer really. Am I lying? Au contraire (on the contrary), western and @Africanindiaspo children raised in the diaspora are taught to question everything that they are taught by their parents, although they never seem to question the evolutionary theories and propagandised fallacies drummed into their heads from a young age. I personally feel a balance is critical but where is Kermit when you need him?

 

Nonetheless this critical mind-set of @Africanindiaspo children is something that many parents have not made adjustments to accommodate. Whilst many of us who grew up as Christians in the Motherland found it easy to believe that Jesus was born of a virgin mother, was the Son of God and that He resurrected from the dead, these are facts that your typical @Africanindiaspo descendant just cannot understand (How I could just kill a man, lol). The lack of empirical evidence combined with the fact that it just doesn’t sound plausible makes the bible/anything written in it sound like folklore. I suppose faith is difficult to possess when you have never needed to trust God for your next meal or the healing of a loved one, only the national health system and evolutionary theories (not facts) from a man just like you and I.

 

Whilst the factors mentioned above are worthy of consideration, I believe hypocrisy is really the stroke that breaks the camel’s backs for most children and for the purpose of this post I will stick to hypocrisy in the home. I have found Christianity amongst @Africanindiaspos and even amongst our brothers and sisters in the Motherland to be centred primarily on church and/or bible study attendance and long prayers which are preferably made in incomprehensible tongues. Insofar as these conditions are met one is considered a bona fide believer worthy of much commendation in the church. Oh silly me I forgot to mention that they must give their tithe faithfully, of course, lest they attract a curse from God then they are a bona fide, hell-raising Christian. Of course it does not matter how this believer conducts him/herself in their home and this is when the stumbling block for children is mounted in my opinion.

 

Many faithless @Africanindiaspos youths struggle to reconcile bible verses of how men should love their wives and be patient with them when their church-esteemed fathers are drunkards, overbearing, money-hungry, short-tempered and even at times physically abusive to their mothers. Even worse some struggle to understand how their fathers can be observed as elders/deacons in the church when they are players, yes some of these men even engage in adulterous affairs, despite public knowledge of their deeds. In other instances some youths also fail to reconcile their mothers’ inabilities to submit to their fathers or their strong-willed behaviour against them with the verses in the bible about how women should respect and submit to their husbands and should love and raise their children. This is especially true as many of these children often feel neglected by the very same church uniform-wearing mothers who possess very little dignity and are serious gossips and slanderers, etc.

 

My dear reader, if you have been around @Africanindiaspo families, have you seen parents treating their children with the love, gentleness and kindness (that the bible they believe teaches)? In my experience, I have not seen this; instead I have seen parents relentlessly shaming their children and stripping them of all dignity - even in front of people. This does not win souls, it destroys and hardens hearts. According to the bible that I grew up being taught to believe the family (children) is the second, most important institution for mankind after marriage. Therefore, before @Africanindiaspos who believe in Jesus tout their religion to their ‘lost’ Western friends, how about they take the bible seriously and authenticate its message by actually living out what they believe and raise children who are convinced of their fruit. How about they teach their children the word and pray with them every day rather than leaving that responsibility to the Sunday school teachers. I think that only after doing that can any good news they have make sense to anyone else.

 

Hopefully in Part 2 of this post I will focus on the hypocrisy of the church, which according to the bible is the 3^rd most important institution for mankind, and how the hypocrisy that exists in it contributes to these ‘wayward’ children that many @Africanindiaspo parents are ashamed of.

 

Until then, let us share let us grow!

 

‘Children are the mirrors of the homes, communities and societies they are nurtured or abandoned in’ - @Africanindiaspo

Are controlling pastors keeping good young black women single?

As per my profile disclosure the majority of my posts are born out of either my own experiences or observations; this one is no different. I am going to use three real life examples of my friends' lives to make my case. My intent is not to be malicious, but to constructively share my opinion. Let us get right into it.

 

Case study 1
I have a male friend (let's call him Jonathan) who happens to come from Nigeria and you know what they say about Naija boys and fraud right? Well Jonathan and a few other Nigerian guys I have befriended have not fit that stereotype at all; although I am fully aware that I may have dealt with exceptions rather than rules. Anyway, Jonathan is a very switched on chap, I met him when he was in the UK pursuing his studies and I was very much intrigued by this brother's mind. I did not only learn that he is intelligent but also that he is a very humble and creative man. During the time he was around many afternoons were spent conversing about the political, moral and socioeconomic issues we both observed here amongst @Africanindiaspos and he also provided me with much insight about the situation back home.

 

When his studies were coming to the end, Jonathan and I were talking about marriage and the idea of how to raise children when he told me about a girl he knew back home (let's call her Rachel). He really liked her and their parents were family friends; he felt this was a really solid foundation upon which to build a life and she seemed to share the same sentiment. Fast forward a few months, Jonathan was now back in Naija and was pretty much courting Rachel when they started having conversations about children, family values etc. They were in agreement about virtually everything until it came to the church ritual of tithing. Jonathan is of the opinion that tithe is not applicable to the New Covenant believer whilst Rachel has been indoctrinated that to not tithe is to rob God (I will give my opinion in another post). To cut a long story short; Rachel told her pastor and church 'brothers' that her potential suitor did not believe in tithing and she was instructed to discontinue the relationship and like a good girl she followed daddy's recommendation. Jonathan was devastated to say the least but effectively moved on whilst conflicted Rachel still calls him from time to time, full of regret, unable to reconcile and also failing to find a good man.

 

Case study 2
Another male friend of mine (let's call him Frank) who is a semi-decent guy with good intentions was also in a relationship with a girl (let’s call her Nneka) many years ago when she 'gave her life to the Lord'. In actuality Nneka gave her life to her pastor because the way she treated Frank changed overnight and it was not as a result of listening to convict music I mean being convicted, lol, pas du tout (not at all). Instead it was because Nneka, who had grown up without a father, now had a Daddy in this pastor whose church she was attending and he had given her orders to stop seeing Frank the heathen and only be interested in his sons, i.e. his men who attended his church. Nneka, like Rachel, zealously obliged her pastor's commands and ended the long-term relationship. The wild thing is that Frank, if I remember clearly, was willing to travel on this righteous path with her had they both received proper guidance. Anyway he was hurt but managed to move on and form a stable (horse shelter) relationship which he has enjoyed for some years now actually so good on him. In regards to Nneka, well she ended up being treated like a blunt by the pastor’s sons. Yep it was puff puff pass in the church and she ended up really broken after many years of being committed to the ‘man of God’ and now actually despises religion. This is very sad considering that Frank held her in high regard.

 

Case study 3
Lastly a gentleman I once spoke to (let's call him Eversharp, lol in Zimbabwe there are people with such names) told me of how as a 'righteous' brother he was in a relationship with a very decent girl (let's call her Lorraine) when she started dealing with prophets. You know the type of prophets I am talking about right, the type of prophets who wear sharp tailor-made suits and have the supernatural ability to throw people on the floor by just waving their hands?

 

 

I don’t know what that achieves but anyway Lorraine started receiving hidden knowledge from such a prophet. She learned of how she would do well in her studies and become wealthy one day and it went straight to her head so much so that she began to view herself as superior to Eversharp. Eversharp reckons that she was probably told that he was not the man for her as well because around the same time she began to distance herself from him although he had helped her to get into university and had not, during the course of their relationship, tried to sleep with her as a sign of respect to her father and God. Like the other men mentioned above Eversharp was hurt and he was single when I spoke to him. One would think Lorraine had become more spiritual with all the ‘prophecies’ that she was receiving but that was not the case (murder was). Eversharp told me she started dating a weed-smoking drunkard instead. J.Lo would only have one thing to say here, ‘ain’t it funny’ in reference to yet another case of a good girl gone bad/mad at the hands of pastors.

  

Conclusion

All of the women I have mentioned are in their mid-20s to early thirties and have, in my opinion, been misled by controlling, self-serving pastors who have very little concern for them. They have been refrained from marrying men who may have been good to them by these conmen who only want to maintain sufficient control over them in order to extract financial resources from them indefinitely. All the while these sisters have become and less and less desirable to men as they have grown older, wider and more embittered by their loneliness and sense of entitlement (daddy’s promises must come true).

  

Although I do not drink let us pour out some liquor for our brothers and sisters who have missed out on good relationships because of prophets.

 

 

What are your thoughts? Am I way off? Are the sisters partially to blame? Let me know.

 

Until next time, let us share and let us grow!

‘I don’t even know what to say here’ - @Africanindiaspo

Why do black men think that they are all that and a bag of chips?

My @Africanindiaspo sisters this is the moment you have been waiting for. I know it is since my previous posts have all been about things that sisters do and do not do. Well today I am going to lay into the brothers. After all we all need to share and grow from challenging one another.

 

A couple of incidents that have occurred have caused me to ponder on the subject matter above. The first one being when I was in the gym, walking to the water fountain and minding my own PLC (I mean business), when I saw a brother walking in front of me. He happened to be crossing paths with a white girl when he gave her this look that said, 'yo shortie what it do?' and looked back at her to check her out as she walked past. I would be remiss to eliminate the fact that this brother was walking like those rappers in the 90s videos, the era in which Mase and Puff Daddy wore shiny coloured suits and stuck their faces in front of video cameras. I wanted to cry but only managed to cringe as it all happened so fast. I was in shock, it's not as though this brother was very handsome and built like a tank or anything, he was just an average-looking guy and I wondered to myself 'where does he get such confidence from?'

 

Anyway, I thought I had seen it all after that moment but I was wrong - there were more black men to observe and interact with, lol.

 

In the second instance I was in the gym, yet again, chatting to some precious young @Africanindiaspo brothers I had met a few days before when a girl I know, but have never spoken to, came and started working out next to where we were. I immediately knew that things were potentially about to go left. The staring began, and the youngest brother who is approximately 18 years old started talking about how he could get this girl's number even though the girl is about 24 years old and happens to have a well-paying full time job. In order to save face for when I saw her again, I told the young men to behave. I did not know that I was only pouring fuel onto an open flame as the young brother felt an even greater urge to prove to me that he was the man. He wanted to even bet on it but I, being the person that I am, did not dare push this zealous brother beyond the point of no return. I simply kept quiet and thankfully it worked, although I still saw him trying to sneak her that look 'yo shortie look'.

 

(Sigh*) I was dumbfounded once more. Here was this young black man who probably still lives at home with his parents and doesn't have much to offer a woman, yet he was convinced that he could get this white girl who works a professional job to be interested in him. 'What would he talk to her about and where would he take her', were the questions I asked myself. That is when it hit me that these men were not confident at all, I deliberated that they were conceited and unrealistic instead. This is because to me confidence is being self-assuring and self-actualising, rather being delusional or having thoughts of grandeur.

 

I will generalise a little bit and say that most middle/upper class white girls in their 20s, especially those in the UK, are not typically into black men. If you doubt the legitimacy of such a claim then please do a little investigating to find out who the childhood crushes of such women were. I will bet you good money they were not LL Cool J, Denzel Washington or B2K, they were most likely Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt or N'sync instead. Therefore to be of a similar socioeconomic background, a handsome black man and be of the same age or older is not the best case scenario as it does not guarantee such a woman's interest. Now to be younger and black without any socioeconomic leverage is not to be like David vs Goliath, it is more like a 5 year old toddler against Goliath. You have to honestly be delusional at best, even faith will not work in these circumstances and yet it seems my brothers consider themselves to able to do all things. Without being crude, this is partly due to the sexual prowess they imagine themselves to have or are at least depicted by pornographic films to possess. This stereotype, I have found, causes black men to consider themselves very desirable. Unfortunately for them most young, 'attractive' white women are not looking for sex like that in a gym and if they are it is not with some young black player who cannot afford a lifestyle such as the one they lead. I am almost certain that the same truth is applicable for young, attractive, black women who enjoy financial success, the only exception being that a black man's looks do go further for him with the sisters.

 

I do not know what emboldens my brothers to even have the slightest thought that they can actually get some of the women they go for. Perhaps it is also due to the constant exposure to hip hop culture in which they see men like LL Cool J, who is in his 50s, still licking their lips for the ladies (Lip-Licking Cool James). The thing is, you will never see LL Cool J licking his lips and rubbing his own body in front audience of women like Kate Middleton, Michelle Obama or Condoleezza Rice. Men like him only behave this way in front of tasteless women such as Lil' Kim, Vivica Fox, Jennifer Lopez, etc. The essence of what I am trying to say is that us @Africanindiaspo brothers need to learn our demographic and market ourselves appropriately; we cannot be creeping out innocent white women in gyms like that. We are not as handsome or as desired as we think we are.

 

My @Africanindiaspo sisters what are your thoughts? Was this post fair or was I unreasonable? Do you like this licking of lips and winking of eyes? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

 

Until next time let us share, let us grow and please let us stop licking our lips. Lol.

 

'Black men respect your limitations, lol' - @Africanindiaspo

I fell in love with natural afro-hair

It was one fine summer day (a few years ago) in the beautiful streets of Her Majesty’s United Kingdom when I was walking down the main street of the city I live in and spotted this beautiful specimen of a woman. Even to this day I do not know how to explain that precise moment and the feelings I felt in it. The lady was not skimpily clad at all, no. It was not her body shape or public display of her upper epidermis that put me into a trance, no. It was her hair – an afro.

Typically when men as carnal as I was back then see a girl, their thoughts go straight to sexual matters but in that instance I was not thinking of any such thing. I was more interested in poetic things such as discovering the contents of her cranium - that is her thoughts. You see there was something about her natural afro-hair that demanded respect in the gentlest way, that said I have accepted that I am a black woman, that said I have an interesting mind worth discovering. You see in those days I used to sag my pants, as was the trend, but I felt I had to pull them up and come correct and that is what I did. I spoke very briefly with the sister and never saw her again.

I can safely say that that was the first time in my young adult life that I had met a black woman with natural afro-hair in the diaspora. Many of our sisters at the time were either rocking braids, weaves or relaxed hair and although I like braids I can safely say that the day I met that young lady was the day I fell in love with natural afro-hair (I am sorry for repeatedly calling natural hair ‘natural afro-hair’ but I must say afro-hair because women of every other ethnicity wear their natural hair so to say simply say natural hair is to be vague). I should really put up signs on my posts for digressions just like the ones they put up in the roads for diversions, lol. Anyway, I did not see another woman with an afro for a long time since that initial encounter. You see the trendsetters that be had not deemed the black woman’s crown as beautiful yet so many of our sisters hid their glory under wigs and weaves for a few more years until recently.

It seems that many @Africanindiaspos are now witnessing the renaissance of the afro. Many of our sisters are unapologetically going back to their roots (no pun intended, I’m just too good haha). Nowadays I spot a lot more sisters wearing their crowns and radiating the glory that almost rendered me mute years ago and it excites me a lot. Even my current partner is also on her ‘natural journey’ so I get to learn a lot of cool terms such as twist-outs, wash and go and protective styles, etc. If all else fails with this blog I am starting one on natural hair. I really need to stop digressing.

Personally, I have never been a fan of make-up or superficial beauty. Instead, I have always liked the natural look on a woman and so I thought myself to be weird and the only man with such a preference since many @Africanindiaspo sisters, from my interactions with them, did not really maintain natural looks about them. I just assumed they looked that way for brothers who liked weaves, fake brows, etc until I recently realised this to not be the case. One sister took to the streets of the USA to ask black men what type of woman they preferred, between one with weave and one with a natural look, and it seems as though they all pretty much shared the same sentiments as me. (Link to part 1 of the survey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrWdBiMAYWE).

Whilst I was elated to learn that I was not the crazy traditionalist who I am often labelled to be, I was left with more questions than answers - the most significant one being ‘why then do our sisters maintain looks which are unnatural to their ethnicity despite the fact that black men do not really like them?’ Who are they trying to attract and/or impress with blonde, brunette or red weave hair? Could it be that they are trying to impress or fit in with white people? Is this the media’s fault? Are our sisters so subservient to trends irrespective of the fact that the trends being set are for white women? This is a serious complex my dear brothers and sisters. We do not see white women with afro wigs do we? Even worse, imagine seeing a black brother wearing a blonde wig to look like a white man. That would be a comical sight and I do not think any such man would be taken seriously. Why is it then that this complex only affects our women?
 
In their defence for weaves, I have heard sisters say things like ‘it is easier to maintain white-looking hair than to maintain their own hair’. If this was a matter of convenience then why do our sisters not wear afro-weaves instead of European weaves? Also if our sisters have Brazilian/Indian/Synthetic hair to look like other ethnicities and we cannot touch this ‘glorious’ hair then is it a surprise when black men end up being attracted to the originators of the glorious hair? I mean if Samsung put Apple logos on their devices because the logo looks so great, would I be out of my mind to want to buy Apple devices only going forward?

I guess the point I am trying to make is that I wish my very precious sisters would all wear their God-given crowns, that they would not make any excuses to look like their ‘nemesis’ and that it would not be considered such a big deal. I mean I have never seen women from any other ethnicity say ‘I am going natural’ and even if they did, I do not think they would be hailed queens of the universe. In recent news we have heard of Rachel Dolezal, the white woman who pretended to be black, can you imagine if she started YouTube videos of her going natural? Think about it @Africanindiaspos. Additionally, I must say that I wish that the increase in sisters wearing their afro-hair was not a just another fad to fade in a short while though I fear that that is exactly what it is. I also wish that when sisters wear their natural they embrace all things afro-centric which are to do with culture and values. There is nothing worse than an Afro whore, pardon the strong words but that is not who we are as Africans.

I have written a slightly longer post but I hope it has been worth your while to read and if I have been more poetic than I have been in other posts it is because I have been writing whilst under the influence – influence of neo-soul that is. Send me the ticket, lol. If you do not know what music that is then perhaps you should cease to be my cyber friend, I am just kidding. I must pen out my ink is running low.

Until next time, let us share let us grow.

‘Afro hair is the natural crown that God has given to the black woman, a crown that radiates of indescribable beauty worthy of admiration’ - @Africanindiaspo

Sisters, men are not projects!

The other day I was talking to a dear friend of mine and she mentioned how she wanted to introduce one of her friends (let’s call her Pauline) to a mutual friend of ours (let’s call him Frank) in the hopes that they would possibly get along and form a relationship of some sort. Whilst Frank is a likeable guy I disagreed with her doing such a thing. The thing is Frank likes to party and drink whilst Pauline is a quiet and homely girl; I just felt it would lead to a miserable existence for her – wondering where her man/husband was in the middle of the night and whether he was safe or not etc. My friend did not see things my way though, she continued to say people can change and maybe she can be the catalyst for him becoming a different man.


Whilst I felt it was an irresponsible statement to utter, it is not the first time I have heard such a thing. In fact I have had several conversations with precious @Africanindiaspo sisters in which I have heard them speak of how they can or have changed a man and made him who he is today i.e. from being a bad boy (like P. Diddy). Ironically the majority of  these sisters or those with similar attitudes towards men are typically single as they tend to have broken up with the very men they 'created'. They also never seem to be able to make another man as great as the one they previously fashioned and this begs the question, was it all you? It reminds me of a time when I heard of a guy saying that he made Jay-Z as he taught him all he needed to know in order to be a star, and Jay-Z aptly responded in a song by saying something to the effect of, 'I heard some people saying they made Jay-Z, ok so make another Hov'. Simply put he was saying that if you are responsible for me being who I am then make another person as great as I am and it seems that the people referred to in those lyrics have not been able to respond to that remark/challenge.


I digressed a little but I genuinely do not understand why sisters (or women at large) think that men are projects that only they (as specific individuals) can restore from being shattered to being whole. Men do not think that way about women at all. I am sure you have heard the old saying that says ‘you cannot turn a certain type of woman into a housewife’. Men seem to have such deep respect for this profound hip hop philosophical truth. Brothers understand that you cannot change a human being, that you can get them to make a conscious effort to modify their behaviour when you are pursuing each other yes, but when the debris settles and the dust gets swept off the true colours will come out. Unlike women, men will go for the end product always, never the raw materials when seeking a mate to settle down with. That is why you will see the guy who has had his time in the clubs go to church to look for a 'good girl' that sings in the choir when he is considering marriage. On the contrary sisters will leave the choir brothers in the church and look to find that drunkard (such as Frank) in order to make him a choir boy? Haha that is it, that is exactly what sisters do (or at least want to do) and men, being crafty, typically play along until they get what they want; either marriage or just a thrill and then boom the raw material that looked as though it had been transformed into a sparkly finished product reverts back to being a drunkard. It is the weirdest phenomenon; you men should be ashamed of yourselves for doing that. You opportunists you!

As a simple and unsophisticated man I do not know what super powers sisters think that they have that can change a man’s nature. I do not think that Pauline can change someone like Frank - she should not even try. It is a waste of time as the relationship will only end in the future with years wasted and tears shed. Whilst some may think that Pauline could be successful at manufacturing Frank and that if she is not she will learn from the experience, I am a traditionalist who does not believe in casual dating but rather in courtship and marriage. This is largely due to the fact that knowing my luck I will one day have eight daughters and do not want them to go through the motions of emotional and psychological trauma that comes from casual dating. I do not want any sons I may have to be the cause of the emotional pain of other men's princesses either. Certain experiences cannot be recovered from, such as abuse, breach of trust or contracting HIV. I mean even businesses try to minimise risks as much as possible.


I see life partners like houses - which person in their right mind would buy a dilapidated house on which to carry out renovations when they cannot hire a builder and cannot fix the house themselves when they could just as easily buy a house in great condition that only requires the rooms to be painted different colours? In the first instance you have a house with so many issues that cannot be fixed even if you deplete all of your financial resources to try to do so. In the second instance you have a house that requires minimal work. A responsible individual would invest their time and resources acquiring the second type of house I am sure. I would imagine a similar decision-making framework would be highly appropriate for choosing a mate, life is hard under the best conditions; there is no need to complicate it by pairing yourself with someone who will cause you strain with no end.


My @Africanindiaspo sisters if you really want projects/challenges I encourage you to take up knitting or crocheting and make blankets, scarves, etc. Do not entangle yourselves in difficult relationships and marriages to bad boys when you are in your prime/youth only to find yourselves alone and/with children in your late 30s wondering where all the good men are. Most of them would have moved on and the rest would not be interested in broken/used goods. That's just the way it is, some things will never change, oh yeah.

It is usually said that good guys finish last, that is not true. It is in fact the good girls that deal with bad boys that finish last in the end’ - @Africanindiaspo

 

Is feminism good for the @Africanindiaspo woman?

I write this post with a broken heart as what I am about to write about is no light matter. I wish to alert my @Africanindiaspo sisters and brothers about something we should all be worried about; we are sitting on a ticking time bomb.

 

There is a movement called MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) which is gaining traction in western society, particularly in the USA, although I would venture to say that it reflects the mind-set of the modern man across this globalised world of ours. The ideology of the movement is one of pretty much encouraging men to not bother committing to marriage with the modern western/westernised woman or having children with her as this will only guarantee pain, misery, child support, divorce fees, etc. The movement encourages men to lead independent lives from women instead, lives in which the lack of commitment means that men are not accountable to women for any seemingly ‘selfish’ decisions they make - that is if the men are to be involved in relationships at all. It seems many of the supporters of MGTOW are more than happy to work, enjoy leisurely time with friends or personal entertainment through gaming or social media and go to sleep. The advent of pornography and the rise of promiscuity (exacerbated by social media apps such as Tinder) make for a sustainable way of life for your typical MGTOW. Men can now work as hard as they want, buy whatever toys they like and not have to entertain/romance women and still have sex whenever they wish. This is the result of feminism ladies and gentlemen. Who runs the world? GIRLS? Who wins?

 

Whilst I do not agree with the ideology of MGTOW I fully understand how it is a seemingly ‘fair’ response to feminism, an ideology which at its inception wanted women to have equal voting rights (1^st wave of feminism). As most of us probably know before feminism was, women’s roles were limited to home-making and careers such as nursing and teaching. Women did not have much say in the political arena which was dominated by men who served as patriarchs speaking for their families. The 1^st wave of feminism changed that in the early 20^th century. Then came World War 2; the men went to war, the women went to work in the industries and when the men came back the women were no longer contented to stay at home and be homemakers. Beloved this gave rise to the 2^nd wave of feminism in the mid-20^th century which was spearheaded by Betty Friedan. She was disillusioned with the idea of raising of her own children to the extent of revolting against the institution. I do not have a problem with that but imagine being a child and your mother having the full opportunity to nurture you but resorting to dedicating her life to fighting against being with you. That is basically what the 2^nd wave of feminism was all about, as well as fighting to legalise abortions, remove the shame of promiscuity from women (the gatekeepers of the sex economy), obtain equal pay & opportunities, destroy the nuclear family and remove gender distinctions. Lady Betty is actually on record saying that feminism wanted boys to be sensitive/emotional and comfortable with having long hair. The goal was to create effeminate men if you ask me and kudos to them they have achieved it. Oh yeah there is a 3^rd wave of feminism whose job is to keep doing more damage by making men even more inferior as we have seen in the media. Men are depicted as idiots and childlike, can you imagine that? The gender that virtually created all the technology we enjoy and built all the infrastructure we benefit from has suddenly become weaker daft punks (I’ll wait for you to get that).

 

 

Sadly men don’t seem to care and have just shrunk back. Their apathy does, of course, have serious ramifications (as I have mentioned above) – there is very little procreation going on and this will most likely get worse. The thing is men do not have a maternal instinct so they can live with that and can change their minds at any point if they wish and have children even in their 70s. Whilst women in their early 20s might share the same sentiment as men, they do have a restrictive biological clock. Women in their late 30s or early 40s today are finding themselves accomplished, wealthy, alone with a desire to have children and no man ‘foolish’ enough to entertain such thoughts. This may be an interesting video to validate this point (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-aJzW3Q_D8).

 

I wish this was the only consequence - that feminists would learn how isolating their lives are made by the deceptive social terrorist called feminism. Unfortunately the consequences are far worse than that, as I said at the beginning we are sitting on a ticking time bomb. The West and even the East are already suffering from the burden of the ageing population i.e. there are more people in retirement than there are in the marketplace. This means that it has become extremely difficult for governments to take care of the aged based on past fertility rates which have now gotten worse. What will it be like when the 30 year olds of today reach retirement if things worsen/remain as they are? Public services (i.e. health care, police, etc.) will be overburdened and unable to cope with the amount of people dependent upon them. Economies will come to full stand-stills; any pensions the current generation is saving for will not be receivable in a future with poor economic productivity. This is no joke, check out what is being predicted in Germany already: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/economics/11644660/Germany-dominance-over-as-demographic-crunch-worsens.html). The end of civilisation waits!

 

Whilst I understand why MGTOW emerged, it is just a male version of feminism; another short-sighted, self-centred social movement which when paired with feminism will just cause even greater anarchy. Men and women cannot exist independently of each other; we are inter-dependent as is evidenced by our natural ability to procreate to produce offspring that will sustain us in the future. With that being said I would not encourage men to marry the modern westernised women either. It is almost as though there is no solution, as though the onus really lies on the women to change and return to their traditional roles. Sadly I do not think that this is probable.

 

However, my appeal to you my @Africanindiaspo brothers and sisters is this; do not participate in this madness. Sisters please revert to your traditional roles of home-making and nurturing children; brothers please search for such women and be good men to them. To refuse to do so is to heap the social terrors consequential of feminism onto our future children, consequences of broken families and gender confusion such as the ones shown in this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3Y-99UJ2lM.

 

I am sorry this post is slightly longer than usual but I really hate feminism and all the issues it has caused and what’s sad for me is that people cannot seem to tell where the future is headed either. I encourage you to do more research on this issue my dear friends, open your eyes.

 

Anyway I better do like bananas and split.

 

Until next time, let us share let us grow!

 

‘Decisions concerning social orders must be made with much care and consideration for the selfish decisions of today are threats to the communal welfare of tomorrow’ - @Africanindiaspo