10 things I would tell my son!

1. You are neither, and never will be, a black king or a prince but you are my world
2. Never did I not want to be your dad
3. Your manhood is not determined by the number of women you can get to sleep with you
4. Do not be led by your sexual desires, that is how great men fall
5. Men and women cannot be friends, respect the differences between males and females
6. The best gift you can give your wife is saving yourself for her
7. Treat women the same way you would want your mother, sisters and daughters to be treated
8. Don't be afraid of working hard, as a man you should equip yourself to be a provider and a protector
9. I know what it's like to be a man, I'm always here to help you understand life
10. At the end of life is death, we all go down to the grave therefore do not get puffed up with whatever you achieve.

10 things I would tell my daughter!

1. You are neither, and never will be, a black queen or a princess but you are my world
2. Never did I not want to be your dad
3. Your worth is not tied up in your beauty but in your character - invest in developing what counts
4. Your mother did not carry you for 9 months just so you can turn out to be an object of men's lust
5. Men and women cannot be friends, respect the differences between males and females
6. The best gift you can give your husband is saving yourself for him
7. Do not accept gifts from men you are not related to; men never do something for nothing
8. Develop your mind, work hard but do not let your achievements fill you with self-conceit i.e. don't ever think you don't need a man
9. Always come to me to talk through life, I exist to be here for you
10. You are a black girl and will one day be a black woman, never feel less than anyone. Your skin and hair are beautiful the way they were made.

Why have @Africanindiaspo kids turned away from Christianity? - Part 2

This post has me feeling like Mase - welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. I am sure that if you are reading this you have read part one of the above-mentioned title. In that initial post I described how, in my opinion, hypocrisy in the home is one of the greatest stumbling blocks for @Africanindiaspo youths/children when it comes to embracing religion, more specifically Christianity, as we know it. I used Christianity as the religion of choice as that is the one that I was exposed to as a child growing up in Zimbabwe. Moving on from that; in this post I am going to give arguments for how I believe hypocrisy within churches is another determinant in the creation these 'wayward' children/youths. 

I have heard it often said that children are like sponges as they are always learning and repeating what they see around them; yet I wonder whether African Christian adults take these wise words seriously. I do not think many do as they expose their children to faux leather, faux locks and faux/hypocritical Christianity. I feel that in the same way that people would happily buy fake variations of Nike trainers if there was no known/accepted trademark tick and correct spelling of the brand, many @Africanindiaspo youths/children would happily embrace Christianity if there were no prescribed ways of living/conduct stipulated in the bible. The very same bible that African pastors are opening every Saturday/Sunday in their services (and yet living opposing lives to) is causing @Africanindiaspo children/youth to look at the religion these men and women profess with much contempt. It literally is like carrying out a campaign to raise awareness about what original Nike trainers look like and then selling fakes to these enlightened people. 

My dear brothers and sisters I do not claim to be a biblical scholar (I have not attended healing or miracle school) but I have read the book enough times to notice a few contradictions that have affected many of us who grew up believing in the message of Jesus. 

Sexual immorality
One of the main things that many youth pastors and Sunday school teachers felt was important for me to understand whilst growing up was that sex was reserved only for a husband and his wife. I am convinced that many other 'churched' young @Africanindiaspo youth/children endured the same instruction and were bombarded with bible verses to support these rules. That is not a bad thing to be encouraged to observe as a child until you grow up to realise that the same pastors/elders/deacons touting 'purity' have themselves been engaged in all sorts of sexual immorality. One particular Zimbabwean 'Pentecostal' pastoress named Bonnie Deuschle not only cheated on her husband but even had a love child from her adulterous fling. Although she did come clean to her church she still continued as the pastor of the church which in itself is a violation of two verses which are namely 1 Timothy 2 vs 12 and Titus 1 vs 6-8. These verses say that a pastor/elder should be a MAN and that the man must have no fault/bad reputation. What about Rory Alec who was enjoying the money he was making from his God TV channel before disappearing into the sunset with a Russian lady? And then there is Eddie Long who groomed three young men to be his lovers and all the countless church leaders in various African churches sleeping with other members' wives?  

Only two behaviours can emerge from children exposed to this kind of buffoonery. They will either live double lives themselves and still consider themselves holy or they will completely walk away from the farce in order to uphold some integrity with themselves which is what many seem to be doing.

Greed for money and wild miracles
In addition to the serial adulterers of today; capitalism, globalisation and materialism have paved the way for a new breed of pastors - the likes of which have never been seen before. These pastors have got so great super powers that they must dress in tailor-made suits, live in mansions, drive supercars, move with entourages and be referred to as Papas, Prophets or Apostles.

They are endowed with special access to 'God' and can grant their lucky followers the many desires of their hearts - from weight loss to phone top up to miracle money as well as deliverance from spiritual wives, children, dogs, goats, etc. They perform incredible tricks to enhance their 'credibility' too like Shepherd Bushiri who walks on air and can take spiritual photos on iPads (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nTk5xcN_dyY). However, one must be informed that in order for the god of these men to act one must sow some kind of financial seed by means of tithe, purchasing a DVD, a rubber band charm or anointing oil. As a result these men have profited tremendously off the backs of poor Africans to the point of affording private jets, super cars and mansions. Yes - @Africanindiaspo children/youth attend churches where men like Adeboye, Oyedepo, Creflo Dollar, etc. collect enough tithes and offerings from their parents to be able to fly and/or drive around in style. The very same parents who do not provide anything more that shelter and food for their children are sponsoring these cons. The poor kids see through the pretence and disapprovingly recognise the greed of these prophets as well as the falseness of their miracles when they read in the bible verses like 1 Timothy 6 vs 1-8 and Mark 13 vs 22. And since one cannot touch the anointed, one might as well walk away.

The things I have mentioned to you my dear brother/sister are just a tip of the iceberg (not the lettuce, lol). I remember I once spoke to a young @Africanindiaspo brother who told me that he could no longer attend church after attending a gathering in which people were giving offering by chip and pin. Another lady told me how over a period of time she amassed debt after being guilt-tripped into paying her tithes by credit card as she had no disposable income after paying her bills at the end of the month. And many more acquaintances have told me of how they have had loved ones die after refusing to take medication for chronic diseases which they believed they were healed from by 'men of God'.

Children see this trickery/foolishness and in a world in which they are indoctrinated with evolutionary theories which seem to follow a logical flow of thoughts, a pragmatic world for that matter, they prefer to walk away from hypocrisy and blatant lies. It seems that there is more lust for worldly things in churches than there is outside. Members compete with one another, pledging money and testifying of or showing off their God-given wealth. They ignore verses that encourage contentment and modesty as well as the fact that most of their leaders are often divorced and in second, third and fourth adulterous marriages i.e. Chris Oyakhilome, Duncan Williams, etc.

The worst part is that in these churches are seemingly genuine people but they do not have a voice and when they are in financial/emotional need, they are always offered prayer and never assisted. Perhaps God should miraculously put food in their mouths and clothing on their backs I suppose? That is whilst the pastors pass the chip and pin around.
Until next time, let us share and grow.

'How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.' - Luke 6 vs 42.

 

A single mother cannot raise a boy to be a man!

I know some people are not going to like this post but I am compelled to write it nonetheless. As always my intent is not to create a divide between men and women but to offer a constructive perspective that can take us forward as @Africanindiaspos.


Some time ago I made the statement that ‘a single mother cannot raise a boy to be a man’ to a group of @Africanindiaspo brothers and sisters and typically as well as understandably got some serious backlash for it. One of the people who sharply disagreed with me was a lady who was and still is a great (single) mother of four children. 'My children are turning out alright', she said, 'I don't need to be with their father for me to raise my sons', she added. Another brother who had an absent father, like many typical African children, also chimed in and added that although he had been pretty much raised by his mother he had turned out okay, thus implying that my statement/conviction was as redundant as UK call centre employees.


I was not (in any way, shape or form) trying to insinuate that single/widowed mothers are intellectually incompetent individuals when it comes to the task of raising male children. Neither was I trying to implicate that the only suitable conditions in which a young boy can become a man are when his parents are happily married or living together. Although that would be ideal for producing stable citizens of tomorrow, it is an unrealistic feat in today's society in which children proudly born out of wedlock and one in which women hold divorce parties. What I was trying to communicate instead was that in the event that a mother has sole custody of her male child following the death of her husband/partner, divorce or a night of passion with a stranger, etc. she needs to ensure her son has a manly male role model who will be an authority over him, disciplining and teaching him how to be a man. Failure to do so will lead to the upbringing of an effeminate, intemperate and indecisive mummy’s boy. Whilst the father of that child is always the best person to be tasked with this responsibility, in my opinion, if he has passed or is disinterested in being involved with his son then a trustworthy/dependable and willing uncle/grandfather is always a good substitute.


Why do I feel this way? Well I could attribute that to my upbringing and the traits I have witnessed amongst the many families and friends I have been acquainted with in my short time on earth. Growing up my father only beat me once whilst my mother, on the other hand, seemed to have a keen interest to make up for him not doing so. However, as much as she did not spare the rod, my father is the one I feared (even as a child) and whenever my mother wanted me to behave all that she had to say was 'I am going to tell Dhedhi (daddy)'. Just the mention of my father would bring any nuisance behaviour to an abrupt end as I understood that this man who loved me as his own could easily kill me. It must have been the depth of his voice or his soberness that made me fear him the most, I don’t know but as they say ‘still waters run deep’. Anyway as I grew older the belt and shamhu (twig) as well as many other weapons of choice employed by mother to correct me stopped to hurt me to the point that I began to even laugh whenever my mother disciplined me. All the while whilst the fear of my father remained. This is not something I was taught to be and yet many of my male friends developed in the very same way.


Whilst this fear/respect of authority as a child seems harsh/abusive to the hippie children of today I believe it was beneficial in my life at ensuring that I lived according to the rules of our home. This in turn has made me a good citizen of society as it is has been easy for me to submit, for a lack of a better word, to the authority of my teachers, the police and government. This is a characteristic that is not prevalent in the countless young people of today and with greater consequences among the countless young black American men who have died at the hands of the police. Many of these young men were not sober-minded but emotionally-charged like women. Thing is; in the real world men receive greater punishment than women for the same crimes so for a man to behave like his mother is to be left immensely exposed. Although many of the @Africanindiaspo male children/youth, raised or being raised by single mothers, that I have encountered have not been murdered by the police they too have been very emotionally imbalanced as well as unambitious. It becomes more apparent as to why this is so when you spend time in some of these single mother households and realise how their mothers have speak down to them - something that has happened to them all their lives. Mothers would do such a thing (in order to maintain control over a child who would otherwise end up behaving wildly) without realising how this type of speech could damage that child as a boy/man which is why women need to control how they speak to their spouses/partners. Although my mother tried to do this with me as a child from time to time my father was always there to stop and correct her as well as keep her from dressing me up like a pimp doll. Do you not see this happening? The lack of masculinity in the home has bred the metrosexual/fashionista male. That is not to say that I only needed my father once I got past a certain age - because the presence of my mother in my life taught me many virtues to seek in a future partner. She was also very useful at pleading with my dad to be a bit more merciful when he was too firm. I have found and continue to find that balance to be extremely helpful at producing a man out of a male child.


As I mentioned earlier many young men raised by single mothers are typically unambitious and one benefit I have enjoyed from having my father in my life is accountability – something that the best of mothers usually cannot hold their sons to. Throughout my life (that is from when I was in primary school until I finished university) my father always sat down with me scrutinising every report I brought home, comparing it to the previous one. Although I know that some children, such as Ben Carson, may thrive or have thrived academically without their fathers' input I would venture to say that they are exceptions and not rules. I am not, by any scratch of my imagination, the brightest bulb in the box but I have shined well because my father said I could and also because he expected me to do so.  


Also there are many age-appropriate things that fathers push their sons to do which mothers struggle with such as when to fly the nest, become financially independent, etc. And whilst it may be okay to infantilise young women, such behaviour has greater consequences for a young man in the feminised 21^st century.  I have learned that men thrive when they are obligated to survive and most fathers understand this which is why they challenge their sons to set out just like lions do. We all know that lions live in prides which consist of a few lionesses, a dominant lion and some younger male lions which are typically the offspring of the dominant lion. I say typically offspring because when a lion takes over a pride, it displaces or kills the dominant male and also kills any cubs in order to bring the lionesses into heat. Once the lion has taken over the pride it has to defend the pride from other roaming males and produce its own cubs which when they are taught how to hunt and fight before they are evicted from the pride for them to go and take create or takeover their own.

 

 

‘It may take a village to raise a child but only a man can raise a man out of a young boy’ - @Africanindiaspo

Why do black/African men and women embrace music that destroys them?

This post has been on my mind for a while and I am glad it has finally come to fruition. I was not planning on writing it this soon into my blogging but I was on Twitter the other day when an @Africanindiaspo sister I follow wrote something on her feed that triggered a response from me. Her tweet was about how she cannot help but enjoy and dance to music she finds derogatory towards women due to the overwhelming talent of the artists. I was amused by this sentiment which is shared by many @Africanindiaspo sisters but never owned up to by @Africanindiaspo brothers who are also often insulted by many songs they consume.

 

As I said this is something I had been thinking about prior to this incident. I had been reflecting on the lyrics of Western/Caribbean/African black people's songs, lyrics such as:

 

1.      'Catch you slipping I'mma kill you, I aint playing hear what I'm saying homie I aint playing' - Heat - 50 Cent'

2.      'I just got rich took a broke n****'s chic' - Loyal - Chris Brown

3.      'That's why I f****d your b**** - Hit 'em up - Tupac

4.      'I stay flossing in that candy paint, Blowin dank, Sippin drank on 84 swangers, Tearin up the lane' - Flossing - Mike Jones

5.      'Wanna put my fingers through your hair, Wrap me up in your legs, And love you till your eyes roll back, I'm tryna put you to bed, bed, bed' - Bed - J Holiday

6.      'All I want is your waist' - Ur Waist - Iyanya.

7.      'So f***in inna wata f***in inna sea f***in inna bushes and f***in inna tree' - Dutty wine - Tony Matterhorn

 

This list could be much, much longer but I am sure you catch my drift?

 

Although, I have always known that black music/culture to be predominantly geared towards either promoting violence, taking each other's women, showing off to each other, the objectification of black women or the mass sexualisation of young black minds I had never thought of one thing. I had never thought of why black people embrace this imagery so much whilst white people do not - at least not to the same extent. After all this very music is available to whites as it is to blacks. In fact in the past I had even passionately debated with friends and colleagues about how the powers that control mainstream media are responsible for projecting certain behaviours onto blacks by constantly bombarding them with debased music and films as an acceptable way of life but here I was now asking myself whether it was fair to absolve black/African people of their part in this mess. To do so would be to suggest that black people are incompetent/mindless individuals who can be involuntarily programmed to behave in certain ways would it not?  

 

I know some may argue that it is typically the instrumentals and catchy choruses that lead to garbage music being widely accepted by our brothers and sisters and to a certain extent I think it is a fair thing to say but even then why does ‘white music’ not promote the same level of animosity towards your like-skinned brother/sister as black music does? It also has catchy choruses and well-produced instrumentals but how often do you hear a white RnB gangsta artist sing about how he wants to take the significant other/b**** of another white man who is not in a great financial position today but is probably one of the many that supported him to be who he is today? How does that even compute? I helped you Chris Brown to become a celebrity by buying your CDs/MP3s when you were a little boy with dreams of looking after your single mother and now all of a sudden you are calling me broke and taking my woman? My @Africanindiaspos is it still the white man's fault when I continue to buy tickets to go to Chris' show to listen to him remind me of how horrible my life is and risk having him take my new girlfriend backstage? I really have to be under a spell to do that don't I? At this juncture it would be expected of everybody to hate Chris (lol) or at least boycott him and yet the opposite happens as artists like him gain even greater followings amongst black. Also, as a side note, how does a man who hits such high notes as he does still maintain a respectable thug image? Imagine Justin Timberlake being embroiled in a thug lifestyle after singing cry me a river. I do not think his fan base would remain intact and yet we as black folks (although we may be stirred) do not seem shaken by the behaviours of people like Chris Brown and Usher.

 

Heck when we are not at threat of losing our better halves to Chris Brown and his other coloured friends (let it sink in) we are being threatened by the likes of 50 Cent and his G-Unit crew or whatever it may be these days. Picture a stadium packed with white people listening to an esteemed white gangsta person and his friends (who have genuine criminal records) singing to the crowd about how they will kill them and the crowd dancing away. This is what our brothers and sisters do, we buy into this culture of provocation and terror. Therefore it comes as no surprise that at times there are fights and/or shootings at these live shows as black men kill black men. Notorious B.I.G and Tupac died over a long-standing feud, T.I and Floyd Mayweather fought over insults, The Game beat up a man called Glocc 40 and was a victim of physical abuse himself at the hands of another thug who ended up being murdered. But hey it is not our fault though, it's them damn white folk and these good beats that have put weapons in our hands and sown dissension amongst us from the days of slavery. We have no choice in this. Yes we do not, because if the KKK released a mixed tape about lynching blacks and how they love slavery we would dance to it if the chorus was catchy and the instrumentation was ‘popping’. If not then that suggests to me that we (independently-minded and intelligent blacks) love the behaviours/lifestyles promoted by the songs sung/rapped by brothers and sisters, not just the beats. Now that is food for thought. To add, when have you ever seen white celebrities shooting at each other or fighting in public as I just previously mentioned?

 

I wish this culture was restricted to black Americans (who I no longer admire like I did as an impressionable teen in Africa) but it is also promoted here in the UK in places like Manchester, London, Birmingham, etc. by some pathetic Grime musicians and unfortunately this cancer has spread and affected African music/youth culture too. I have experienced, first-hand, young black men fighting over territories and school crests in order to live up to the fallacious, egotistical personas propagated by hip hop music which they know to be deviant based on their cultural values and religious upbringings. It seems then that the conscious attraction to this demeaning music subconsciously yields behaviours consistent with the messages it promotes. And unfortunately we cannot ignore how over-sexualised we as blacks are made to be from the sleazy R&B music that also forms part of our culture. Which other race of people has a genre of music they call baby-making music. Which other group of people has all of its teens rubbing themselves on each other in the name of dancing (Jamaicans are the worst at doing this)? This combined with the lack of sexual health education makes for a ticking time bomb with soaring rates of HIV affecting blacks more than whites. HIV may have been developed in a lab as some conspiracists believe, but we willingly spread it amongst ourselves with such music that measures a black man’s manhood not by his ability to provide for his family or to be the head of his home/clan but by how many women he can say he has slept with.

 

My dear @Africanindiaspo brothers and sisters let us boycott such destructive culture if we desire to be different. One thing that helped me was to realise, as an adolescent, that most of the rap music I was being influenced by was being written/produced by unintelligent thugs who have absolutely no care for the effects their music has on their own kind. Since then I have discovered more sophisticated genres of music such as jazz, neo-soul and I have even reverted to my traditional music heroes such as Oliver Mtukudzi, Leonard Dembo, etc. This music inspires me to be and to do better in life. It does not seek to rot my moral fibre and neither does it drive me to kill my brother nor push me to prove my manliness through infidelity.

 

‘The ‘demise’ of the black race cannot be entirely blamed on white supremacy but rather due to the lack of self-responsibility’ - @Africanindiaspo

Why have @Africaindiaspo kids turned away from Christianity? - Part 1

Growing up in the motherland I observed how religion underpinned much of life, from praying before meals, praying before/after travelling to praying and singing at weddings, funerals and of course religious gatherings. Christianity was and still is the widely-held belief in Zimbabwe and the religion I have been exposed to, thus it makes sense for it to be the only one I comment on.

 

As a youngster church attendance was not optional, no. In fact even as a young adult staying at home (here in the diaspora) with my parents it remained a compulsory family ritual to the extent that I felt really bad if I ever missed a Sunday service. One could say I was deeply religious at the time and when people at school asked me what my beliefs were I would often respond, ‘Pentecostal Christian’ without any hesitation at all although my ‘lifestyle’ reflected no semblance of my professed faith. It was only when I got a little older and started to develop my own understanding of life, holding what the bible says against church practices, that I realised not only how hypocritical I was but also how overwhelmingly hypocritical the majority of @Africanindiaspo Christians and churches were. I realised then why Christianity did not appeal to me and many of the @Africanindiaspos who were my age at the time.

 

You see children in Africa, just like African adults interact with national politicians; do not ask any questions that challenge the status quo as such insubordination can lead to serious disciplinary action. Consequentially, African children (and in some instances adults) typically do not appear to have minds of their own, that is how a grown man’s parents can influence him to leave his spouse for another more suitable/subservient woman – a woman they prefer really. Am I lying? Au contraire (on the contrary), western and @Africanindiaspo children raised in the diaspora are taught to question everything that they are taught by their parents, although they never seem to question the evolutionary theories and propagandised fallacies drummed into their heads from a young age. I personally feel a balance is critical but where is Kermit when you need him?

 

Nonetheless this critical mind-set of @Africanindiaspo children is something that many parents have not made adjustments to accommodate. Whilst many of us who grew up as Christians in the Motherland found it easy to believe that Jesus was born of a virgin mother, was the Son of God and that He resurrected from the dead, these are facts that your typical @Africanindiaspo descendant just cannot understand (How I could just kill a man, lol). The lack of empirical evidence combined with the fact that it just doesn’t sound plausible makes the bible/anything written in it sound like folklore. I suppose faith is difficult to possess when you have never needed to trust God for your next meal or the healing of a loved one, only the national health system and evolutionary theories (not facts) from a man just like you and I.

 

Whilst the factors mentioned above are worthy of consideration, I believe hypocrisy is really the stroke that breaks the camel’s backs for most children and for the purpose of this post I will stick to hypocrisy in the home. I have found Christianity amongst @Africanindiaspos and even amongst our brothers and sisters in the Motherland to be centred primarily on church and/or bible study attendance and long prayers which are preferably made in incomprehensible tongues. Insofar as these conditions are met one is considered a bona fide believer worthy of much commendation in the church. Oh silly me I forgot to mention that they must give their tithe faithfully, of course, lest they attract a curse from God then they are a bona fide, hell-raising Christian. Of course it does not matter how this believer conducts him/herself in their home and this is when the stumbling block for children is mounted in my opinion.

 

Many faithless @Africanindiaspos youths struggle to reconcile bible verses of how men should love their wives and be patient with them when their church-esteemed fathers are drunkards, overbearing, money-hungry, short-tempered and even at times physically abusive to their mothers. Even worse some struggle to understand how their fathers can be observed as elders/deacons in the church when they are players, yes some of these men even engage in adulterous affairs, despite public knowledge of their deeds. In other instances some youths also fail to reconcile their mothers’ inabilities to submit to their fathers or their strong-willed behaviour against them with the verses in the bible about how women should respect and submit to their husbands and should love and raise their children. This is especially true as many of these children often feel neglected by the very same church uniform-wearing mothers who possess very little dignity and are serious gossips and slanderers, etc.

 

My dear reader, if you have been around @Africanindiaspo families, have you seen parents treating their children with the love, gentleness and kindness (that the bible they believe teaches)? In my experience, I have not seen this; instead I have seen parents relentlessly shaming their children and stripping them of all dignity - even in front of people. This does not win souls, it destroys and hardens hearts. According to the bible that I grew up being taught to believe the family (children) is the second, most important institution for mankind after marriage. Therefore, before @Africanindiaspos who believe in Jesus tout their religion to their ‘lost’ Western friends, how about they take the bible seriously and authenticate its message by actually living out what they believe and raise children who are convinced of their fruit. How about they teach their children the word and pray with them every day rather than leaving that responsibility to the Sunday school teachers. I think that only after doing that can any good news they have make sense to anyone else.

 

Hopefully in Part 2 of this post I will focus on the hypocrisy of the church, which according to the bible is the 3^rd most important institution for mankind, and how the hypocrisy that exists in it contributes to these ‘wayward’ children that many @Africanindiaspo parents are ashamed of.

 

Until then, let us share let us grow!

 

‘Children are the mirrors of the homes, communities and societies they are nurtured or abandoned in’ - @Africanindiaspo

I have decided to not be chivalrous towards strange women and self-professed feminists!

As a young man growing up in this gynocentric world (in the motherland as well as here in the diaspora) I was taught to do such things as to open doors for women and allow them ahead of myself when entering a room. I was instructed that a man ought to rescue damsels in distress which translates to helping them with tasks they cannot do themselves i.e. lifting heavy objects, changing tyres or coming to their defence when they are under any physical threat. Heck, when I was primary school in the Motherland we were taught that a man/boy should under no circumstances lay his hand on a female and I subscribed to this ideology. Ironically, the girls in my school were not taught to be feminine and that resulted in many boys my age being defencelessly attacked by girls. Although this was obviously abuse, our mind-sets were programmed to neither retaliate nor report these animalistic females. However, if I could now turn back the hands of time (like R. Kelly) I would stomp the brains out of many of those girls. I know it sounds outlandish but as the title says I have decided that chivalry is a stupid ideology in a feminised/gynocentric world such as the one we live in whereby women are no longer women but self-conceited, self-entitled equals.



I never thought I would feel this way about women at large but the trip down memory lane, fervent research on the subject of feminism and my recent conversations with groups of ignorant women have really created bad blood between myself and 'independent'/feminised women. Speaking to one @Africanindiaspo sister I recently got introduced to in particular pushed me overboard, let's call her Emily for the purpose of this post. My first impression of Emily when I first met her through a mutual friend was that she was intelligent as I had been pre-informed of her academic accolades but that changed when she opened her mouth.



The first discussion Emily and I had in a group situation was about the importance of women staying at home in order to nurture and instil values in their children at the sacrifice of high-flying careers. That struck a nerve with her even though some of the other @Africanindiaspo sisters understood where the men were coming from in regards to this discussion. It was in fact a couple of @Africanindiaspo sisters who had started the debate as they were proponents of the ideology. Whilst this sharp disagreement on Emily's part was an indicator of the feministic viewpoint she holds to heart I thought it was fair that she and many other women prefer to be high-flyers with wild children - each to their own as the old saying goes.



However, knowing my stance on child rearing and feminism, Emily decided to give herself a second opportunity to disgust me when we met for the second time in another group environment. This time she had back up. The discussion on this encounter took the form of the first one, at least before I presented perspectives on how decent men are increasingly becoming repulsed by the whoring behaviour of the modern women. This is because many of them sleep around with many men (many many many many men) in their youth/prime when pursuing careers and then want to present their leftovers (in their 30s/40s) to 'good/decent men' in order to gain security and have children before railroading these same good men with divorces and child support/maintenance. I mentioned how by this time the tables would have turned as the men would be in their prime whilst such women would be like used up cars with high mileage but still trying to fetch a good price. That's not a good deal right?



Well Emily did not have the intelligence to register this truth, her rebuttal was only about how women do not care much about relationships and children. That is that 'I am independent' spiel propagated by Beyoncé the married mother of one. Hmmm that explains the many IVF clinics that cater to older/mature women who have been single most of their lives, can no longer have children but are desperate for them nonetheless. Films such as Sex and the city in which women are depicted as independent and sexy in their 50s and 60s, not lonely, undesired and isolated like the local government and even common sense purports do not help either. It seems many sisters typically cannot separate reality from fiction which is why they even have unrealistic expectations of a 'perfect' man, one with money and is 6ft tall with an athletic build – no care for character. I digress.



I thought I would go one step further and emphasise to my crowd of feminists just how indispensable men really are by mentioning how men are responsible for the design and development of the majority of the infrastructure and innovation we enjoy. I added that the protection of any society is underpinned by its men being frontline soldiers with sufficient prowess. Of course Emily had to say that women could just as easily be frontline soldiers without compromising the security of a battalion as they are, in her opinion, just as athletic as men. Using that logic Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce, the fastest woman in the world, is just as fast as Usain Bolt right? How one could so delusional escapes me but then again these sisters were not using logic but were allowing emotionalism and self-entitlement to lead their thought process just like the myopic ideology of feminism they subscribe to.



I mean this in the gentlest and most loving way possible my dear @Africanindiaspo brothers and sisters but women innately cannot apply logic. It is not in their nature to do so and that is perfectly fine because men make up for that. There are many weaknesses that men also possess that women make up for such as the ability to nurture children and to micro-manage activities, the problem is that men acknowledge this complementarity whilst women dismiss it altogether. With all the book-intelligence of the sisters I was sitting with they still did not want to accept facts/common knowledge. Personally as much as I love my partner I am convinced that were she to be given the power and responsibility of leading our home she would crack (like cocaine) which explains why many positions of leadership in business are given to men. Think about it, men are not affected by anything at any moment of the month whilst nature itself determines a woman's feelings/mood cyclically. Can you imagine trying to rationally make strategic, life-dependent decisions and then communicating them effectively to your subordinates whilst experiencing severe cramps? I am sure that any reasonable person would agree that intelligence will not help in this predicament, not Emily though. For her these physiological and emotional challenges that women face do not detract from their abilities to compete with men. I think many women secretly wish they were men these days. That is how bad ‘equality’ has gotten, there are even contraptions on sale that allow women to use the bathroom whilst standing just like men. Anyway this is when I realised how ridiculous independent/feministic women really are. Now that they enjoy the privileges afforded them by the blood, sweat and tears of self-sacrificing men they feel as though they can build their own railway lines and create strong armies with their never-compromised strategic and decision-making faculties.



I resigned from then on to take this equality malarkey for what it is when interacting with women because as much as I was shocked by how prevalent it is I was also disappointed with myself. A few years ago I had seen a gentleman slap his other half after they had been arguing in a car when she called him a son of a b****. My instinct at the time was to rush to save this damsel. I was only restrained from doing so by the consideration that this guy could have a weapon and lash out on me. Well, if I saw a woman antagonising a man like that again and getting slapped for it I would do like Craig David and walk away (I wouldn’t care if it was a Monday). Worse still if, going forward, I ever see a woman initiate a physical altercation with a man I will just grab some popcorn - equal rights does equate to equal lefts after all. They are called consequences for actions ladies and gentlemen. This is a truth I will engrain in my daughters as I will never rescue them from consequences of belligerent behaviour. I will also teach my sons to not only not beat girls but to not beat boys also. Instead I will teach them to defend them ferociously from anyone who physically harms them irrespective of their gender - that my friends is true equality.



I am sorry that this post is much longer than usual but I really wanted you my brother/sister to understand the reasons for my new stance. I will only be chivalrous towards my partner, mother, daughters, relatives and little precious girls who do not know any better than to demean manhood and claim to be independent. Anyone else does not get any help from me. Chivalry has dead in my heart, I have left The Temptations.

 

'Women you cannot have your cake and eat it, decisions to be independent have ramifications attached to them' -@Africanindiaspo

Is dowry/lobola a reasonable request when a girl is not a virgin?

Growing up I always thought why. Why do teachers teach people to do jobs that they themselves are not willing to do? Why do I have to go to school? Lol I am sure every child has asked themselves that question when they were being dragged out of bed in the morning. Therefore it should come as no surprise that the other day I asked myself the question, 'why are @Africanindiaspo men still paying dowry for women who are not virgins on the day of marriage?' Grab some milk and a cookie and let us do this.


You see I grew up with a strong desire to get married young and have children with a woman who would have been my childhood sweetheart. In my young, 'churched'/traditionalised mind sex outside of marriage was a taboo. One had to get married by paying a bride price which we call 'roora' in my vernacular language in Zimbabwe (also known as lobola/dowry in other countries) before enjoying the pleasures that matrimony brings. At least that is what our elders instructed us to do whilst many of them, men especially, engaged in adulterous affairs which cost many of them their lives as AIDS ravaged the country. I digress but will have to touch on this 'four letter word' in another post.


So yeah I grew up with the idea that sex was not something to enjoy before its time as a result of the traditional and religious instructions I received. That, coupled with my father's threats about how he would strike me with an axe if I had ever had sex as a young man helped to keep me in check when I was back in the Motherland. However, that fear subsided when I moved to the UK and started to realise just how promiscuous Britons, as well as @Africanindiaspo brothers and sisters in the UK, were. Although I was somewhat of a Mack back home (ask Mark Morrison) my contact with women had been limited to chat up lines and innocent hugs but here I was, not in the land of milk and honey, but the land of liberal expression of sexuality. Needless to say I was the butt of many jokes as I was constantly mocked for being a virgin by my friends and colleagues - something I was not ashamed of growing up back home. Shamefully, I adjusted in order to fit in and in no time I was having casual, sexual relationships with @Africanindiaspo sisters as well some British women. Knowing what I know now about the effects of a loose sexual lifestyle I wish I had remained a virgin until I was ready to commit because there is absolutely no shame in not whoring yourself around as a man. In fact it protects you from the likelihood of contracting STIs/STDS and also protects you from having unwanted children which the government will penalise you for having.


Another reason I wish I had remained a virgin is that now that I am in a committed relationship I hate to even imagine that anyone could have done something with my partner. That makes me realise the number of men I have robbed of the privilege of being the first and last man their other half enjoys. I regret my part in that although the women I was involved with were equally responsible for what we did which brings me to the next point.  As I mentioned, some of the relationships I had were with @Africanindiaspo sisters who claimed to be virgins (it's not for me to call it) who may already be or are yet to be married. Each of these girls' families would have asked or will ask for a bride price for their daughter as a prerequisite for giving her away. I'm sure you see where I am going with this.


In my limited understanding of lobola/dowry it is meant to be a token of gratitude extended, by a man and his family, to the family of the bride to be. Some gifts are given to the father, others to the mother, aunts, etc. as a way of saying thank you for raising a well-mannered, home-centred and pure/virgin wife who will take care of me and my people and bear us children - the key quality being a pure wife. I believe this to be true because in all traditional/patriarchal cultures there is an expectation of a woman's father to keep her chaste for the day he hands her over to his son in-law. In historic Jewish culture if a man married a woman who turned out to not be a virgin (one who would not bleed on the marital bed) the groom would take the bed sheet and present it as evidence to the woman's father and subsequently stone her to death outside of his house. In Zimbabwe the purity of a bride is also a big deal. Growing up there I understood that your average man did not want to marry a woman who had been with other men as he felt it would be an indication that she is capable of infidelity as she would have tasted something different and thus able to generate comparisons that would send her into the arms of other men. Additionally, in Zimbabwe if a young woman does not turn out to be pregnant she is assumed and expected to be chaste, so much so that if she became pregnant her father would demand the impregnator/terminator to marry his daughter. It is felt by most elders that no one would want to marry her if she remained single and a surcharge termed 'damages' is added to the cost of the dowry or lobola to punish the young man for damaging his daughter's purity/marketability without a licence to thrill/kill. So important is it to appear to be a virgin that women devise means of seeming to be one on their marriage day. One friend even told me that Chinese folk in Zimbabwe are selling rehymenation kits which allow women to give an impression of chastity to their new husbands. 


Can you imagine the deceit that forms the foundations of these kinds of marriages and the fraud being carried out by these fathers by requiring a bride price for damaged/faulty goods? Fathers and families are no longer guaranteeing the chastity of their daughters and the girls are not confessing their promiscuous ways to their fathers. At the end of it a simpleton of a man is left to acknowledge a harlot as a virgin. That just shows how far we Africans have deviated from the moral fibres that made us once laugh at the moral decay of the west. In my opinion when a non-virgin woman is married off her father has two options. He can either trace the steps of all the men his daughter has slept with and use the occurrences and frequency of intimacy with all these men to apportion to them the lobola he would charge to an individual man were she a virgin. Alternatively he can just be glad that any man still wants her and ask for nothing at all. Otherwise (taking the melody from the Encore song by Jay-Z and Linkin Park that says 'what the hell are you waiting for?') men 'what the hell are we paying for?' 
 

Really what is the purpose of this transaction? I think parents are not facing up to the state of the daughters they are raising, many who, on top of being non-virgins typically cannot cook or clean. They should be happy that someone wants to marry their princesses rather than trying to adhere to traditions in a way that only benefits them. Things have gotten so bad that one friend of mine even said to me that a woman without children today is the equivalent of a virgin. Imagine that. Last I know some of the most promiscuous women of our time such as Rihanna, Lady Gaga, etc. are childless. Such a premise leads us to accept then that if an @Africanindiaspo woman led such a lifestyle as Rihanna’s whilst at university abroad or away from home and then found a man who wants to marry her later in life her father can acceptably still charge a bride price. Put yourself in the shoes of the poor man marrying an untrained, unsubmissive, emotionally-wrecked Rihanna wannabe who has been beaten up by a Chris Brown wannabe and having to pay for her. It is a true shame. Some fathers should really be recompensing some men for being brave enough to marry their 'experienced' daughters. And for the fathers who do have virgin daughters please do not commodify them by charging extortionate amounts unless you want them to be treated like cooking oil and sugar by their husbands.


I have said my peace. Until next time, let us share let us grow!

'We Africans need to be fair and honest in the observance of our traditions/practices' - @Africanindiaspo

Are controlling pastors keeping good young black women single?

As per my profile disclosure the majority of my posts are born out of either my own experiences or observations; this one is no different. I am going to use three real life examples of my friends' lives to make my case. My intent is not to be malicious, but to constructively share my opinion. Let us get right into it.

 

Case study 1
I have a male friend (let's call him Jonathan) who happens to come from Nigeria and you know what they say about Naija boys and fraud right? Well Jonathan and a few other Nigerian guys I have befriended have not fit that stereotype at all; although I am fully aware that I may have dealt with exceptions rather than rules. Anyway, Jonathan is a very switched on chap, I met him when he was in the UK pursuing his studies and I was very much intrigued by this brother's mind. I did not only learn that he is intelligent but also that he is a very humble and creative man. During the time he was around many afternoons were spent conversing about the political, moral and socioeconomic issues we both observed here amongst @Africanindiaspos and he also provided me with much insight about the situation back home.

 

When his studies were coming to the end, Jonathan and I were talking about marriage and the idea of how to raise children when he told me about a girl he knew back home (let's call her Rachel). He really liked her and their parents were family friends; he felt this was a really solid foundation upon which to build a life and she seemed to share the same sentiment. Fast forward a few months, Jonathan was now back in Naija and was pretty much courting Rachel when they started having conversations about children, family values etc. They were in agreement about virtually everything until it came to the church ritual of tithing. Jonathan is of the opinion that tithe is not applicable to the New Covenant believer whilst Rachel has been indoctrinated that to not tithe is to rob God (I will give my opinion in another post). To cut a long story short; Rachel told her pastor and church 'brothers' that her potential suitor did not believe in tithing and she was instructed to discontinue the relationship and like a good girl she followed daddy's recommendation. Jonathan was devastated to say the least but effectively moved on whilst conflicted Rachel still calls him from time to time, full of regret, unable to reconcile and also failing to find a good man.

 

Case study 2
Another male friend of mine (let's call him Frank) who is a semi-decent guy with good intentions was also in a relationship with a girl (let’s call her Nneka) many years ago when she 'gave her life to the Lord'. In actuality Nneka gave her life to her pastor because the way she treated Frank changed overnight and it was not as a result of listening to convict music I mean being convicted, lol, pas du tout (not at all). Instead it was because Nneka, who had grown up without a father, now had a Daddy in this pastor whose church she was attending and he had given her orders to stop seeing Frank the heathen and only be interested in his sons, i.e. his men who attended his church. Nneka, like Rachel, zealously obliged her pastor's commands and ended the long-term relationship. The wild thing is that Frank, if I remember clearly, was willing to travel on this righteous path with her had they both received proper guidance. Anyway he was hurt but managed to move on and form a stable (horse shelter) relationship which he has enjoyed for some years now actually so good on him. In regards to Nneka, well she ended up being treated like a blunt by the pastor’s sons. Yep it was puff puff pass in the church and she ended up really broken after many years of being committed to the ‘man of God’ and now actually despises religion. This is very sad considering that Frank held her in high regard.

 

Case study 3
Lastly a gentleman I once spoke to (let's call him Eversharp, lol in Zimbabwe there are people with such names) told me of how as a 'righteous' brother he was in a relationship with a very decent girl (let's call her Lorraine) when she started dealing with prophets. You know the type of prophets I am talking about right, the type of prophets who wear sharp tailor-made suits and have the supernatural ability to throw people on the floor by just waving their hands?

 

 

I don’t know what that achieves but anyway Lorraine started receiving hidden knowledge from such a prophet. She learned of how she would do well in her studies and become wealthy one day and it went straight to her head so much so that she began to view herself as superior to Eversharp. Eversharp reckons that she was probably told that he was not the man for her as well because around the same time she began to distance herself from him although he had helped her to get into university and had not, during the course of their relationship, tried to sleep with her as a sign of respect to her father and God. Like the other men mentioned above Eversharp was hurt and he was single when I spoke to him. One would think Lorraine had become more spiritual with all the ‘prophecies’ that she was receiving but that was not the case (murder was). Eversharp told me she started dating a weed-smoking drunkard instead. J.Lo would only have one thing to say here, ‘ain’t it funny’ in reference to yet another case of a good girl gone bad/mad at the hands of pastors.

  

Conclusion

All of the women I have mentioned are in their mid-20s to early thirties and have, in my opinion, been misled by controlling, self-serving pastors who have very little concern for them. They have been refrained from marrying men who may have been good to them by these conmen who only want to maintain sufficient control over them in order to extract financial resources from them indefinitely. All the while these sisters have become and less and less desirable to men as they have grown older, wider and more embittered by their loneliness and sense of entitlement (daddy’s promises must come true).

  

Although I do not drink let us pour out some liquor for our brothers and sisters who have missed out on good relationships because of prophets.

 

 

What are your thoughts? Am I way off? Are the sisters partially to blame? Let me know.

 

Until next time, let us share and let us grow!

‘I don’t even know what to say here’ - @Africanindiaspo

Why do black men think that they are all that and a bag of chips?

My @Africanindiaspo sisters this is the moment you have been waiting for. I know it is since my previous posts have all been about things that sisters do and do not do. Well today I am going to lay into the brothers. After all we all need to share and grow from challenging one another.

 

A couple of incidents that have occurred have caused me to ponder on the subject matter above. The first one being when I was in the gym, walking to the water fountain and minding my own PLC (I mean business), when I saw a brother walking in front of me. He happened to be crossing paths with a white girl when he gave her this look that said, 'yo shortie what it do?' and looked back at her to check her out as she walked past. I would be remiss to eliminate the fact that this brother was walking like those rappers in the 90s videos, the era in which Mase and Puff Daddy wore shiny coloured suits and stuck their faces in front of video cameras. I wanted to cry but only managed to cringe as it all happened so fast. I was in shock, it's not as though this brother was very handsome and built like a tank or anything, he was just an average-looking guy and I wondered to myself 'where does he get such confidence from?'

 

Anyway, I thought I had seen it all after that moment but I was wrong - there were more black men to observe and interact with, lol.

 

In the second instance I was in the gym, yet again, chatting to some precious young @Africanindiaspo brothers I had met a few days before when a girl I know, but have never spoken to, came and started working out next to where we were. I immediately knew that things were potentially about to go left. The staring began, and the youngest brother who is approximately 18 years old started talking about how he could get this girl's number even though the girl is about 24 years old and happens to have a well-paying full time job. In order to save face for when I saw her again, I told the young men to behave. I did not know that I was only pouring fuel onto an open flame as the young brother felt an even greater urge to prove to me that he was the man. He wanted to even bet on it but I, being the person that I am, did not dare push this zealous brother beyond the point of no return. I simply kept quiet and thankfully it worked, although I still saw him trying to sneak her that look 'yo shortie look'.

 

(Sigh*) I was dumbfounded once more. Here was this young black man who probably still lives at home with his parents and doesn't have much to offer a woman, yet he was convinced that he could get this white girl who works a professional job to be interested in him. 'What would he talk to her about and where would he take her', were the questions I asked myself. That is when it hit me that these men were not confident at all, I deliberated that they were conceited and unrealistic instead. This is because to me confidence is being self-assuring and self-actualising, rather being delusional or having thoughts of grandeur.

 

I will generalise a little bit and say that most middle/upper class white girls in their 20s, especially those in the UK, are not typically into black men. If you doubt the legitimacy of such a claim then please do a little investigating to find out who the childhood crushes of such women were. I will bet you good money they were not LL Cool J, Denzel Washington or B2K, they were most likely Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt or N'sync instead. Therefore to be of a similar socioeconomic background, a handsome black man and be of the same age or older is not the best case scenario as it does not guarantee such a woman's interest. Now to be younger and black without any socioeconomic leverage is not to be like David vs Goliath, it is more like a 5 year old toddler against Goliath. You have to honestly be delusional at best, even faith will not work in these circumstances and yet it seems my brothers consider themselves to able to do all things. Without being crude, this is partly due to the sexual prowess they imagine themselves to have or are at least depicted by pornographic films to possess. This stereotype, I have found, causes black men to consider themselves very desirable. Unfortunately for them most young, 'attractive' white women are not looking for sex like that in a gym and if they are it is not with some young black player who cannot afford a lifestyle such as the one they lead. I am almost certain that the same truth is applicable for young, attractive, black women who enjoy financial success, the only exception being that a black man's looks do go further for him with the sisters.

 

I do not know what emboldens my brothers to even have the slightest thought that they can actually get some of the women they go for. Perhaps it is also due to the constant exposure to hip hop culture in which they see men like LL Cool J, who is in his 50s, still licking their lips for the ladies (Lip-Licking Cool James). The thing is, you will never see LL Cool J licking his lips and rubbing his own body in front audience of women like Kate Middleton, Michelle Obama or Condoleezza Rice. Men like him only behave this way in front of tasteless women such as Lil' Kim, Vivica Fox, Jennifer Lopez, etc. The essence of what I am trying to say is that us @Africanindiaspo brothers need to learn our demographic and market ourselves appropriately; we cannot be creeping out innocent white women in gyms like that. We are not as handsome or as desired as we think we are.

 

My @Africanindiaspo sisters what are your thoughts? Was this post fair or was I unreasonable? Do you like this licking of lips and winking of eyes? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

 

Until next time let us share, let us grow and please let us stop licking our lips. Lol.

 

'Black men respect your limitations, lol' - @Africanindiaspo

I fell in love with natural afro-hair

It was one fine summer day (a few years ago) in the beautiful streets of Her Majesty’s United Kingdom when I was walking down the main street of the city I live in and spotted this beautiful specimen of a woman. Even to this day I do not know how to explain that precise moment and the feelings I felt in it. The lady was not skimpily clad at all, no. It was not her body shape or public display of her upper epidermis that put me into a trance, no. It was her hair – an afro.

Typically when men as carnal as I was back then see a girl, their thoughts go straight to sexual matters but in that instance I was not thinking of any such thing. I was more interested in poetic things such as discovering the contents of her cranium - that is her thoughts. You see there was something about her natural afro-hair that demanded respect in the gentlest way, that said I have accepted that I am a black woman, that said I have an interesting mind worth discovering. You see in those days I used to sag my pants, as was the trend, but I felt I had to pull them up and come correct and that is what I did. I spoke very briefly with the sister and never saw her again.

I can safely say that that was the first time in my young adult life that I had met a black woman with natural afro-hair in the diaspora. Many of our sisters at the time were either rocking braids, weaves or relaxed hair and although I like braids I can safely say that the day I met that young lady was the day I fell in love with natural afro-hair (I am sorry for repeatedly calling natural hair ‘natural afro-hair’ but I must say afro-hair because women of every other ethnicity wear their natural hair so to say simply say natural hair is to be vague). I should really put up signs on my posts for digressions just like the ones they put up in the roads for diversions, lol. Anyway, I did not see another woman with an afro for a long time since that initial encounter. You see the trendsetters that be had not deemed the black woman’s crown as beautiful yet so many of our sisters hid their glory under wigs and weaves for a few more years until recently.

It seems that many @Africanindiaspos are now witnessing the renaissance of the afro. Many of our sisters are unapologetically going back to their roots (no pun intended, I’m just too good haha). Nowadays I spot a lot more sisters wearing their crowns and radiating the glory that almost rendered me mute years ago and it excites me a lot. Even my current partner is also on her ‘natural journey’ so I get to learn a lot of cool terms such as twist-outs, wash and go and protective styles, etc. If all else fails with this blog I am starting one on natural hair. I really need to stop digressing.

Personally, I have never been a fan of make-up or superficial beauty. Instead, I have always liked the natural look on a woman and so I thought myself to be weird and the only man with such a preference since many @Africanindiaspo sisters, from my interactions with them, did not really maintain natural looks about them. I just assumed they looked that way for brothers who liked weaves, fake brows, etc until I recently realised this to not be the case. One sister took to the streets of the USA to ask black men what type of woman they preferred, between one with weave and one with a natural look, and it seems as though they all pretty much shared the same sentiments as me. (Link to part 1 of the survey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrWdBiMAYWE).

Whilst I was elated to learn that I was not the crazy traditionalist who I am often labelled to be, I was left with more questions than answers - the most significant one being ‘why then do our sisters maintain looks which are unnatural to their ethnicity despite the fact that black men do not really like them?’ Who are they trying to attract and/or impress with blonde, brunette or red weave hair? Could it be that they are trying to impress or fit in with white people? Is this the media’s fault? Are our sisters so subservient to trends irrespective of the fact that the trends being set are for white women? This is a serious complex my dear brothers and sisters. We do not see white women with afro wigs do we? Even worse, imagine seeing a black brother wearing a blonde wig to look like a white man. That would be a comical sight and I do not think any such man would be taken seriously. Why is it then that this complex only affects our women?
 
In their defence for weaves, I have heard sisters say things like ‘it is easier to maintain white-looking hair than to maintain their own hair’. If this was a matter of convenience then why do our sisters not wear afro-weaves instead of European weaves? Also if our sisters have Brazilian/Indian/Synthetic hair to look like other ethnicities and we cannot touch this ‘glorious’ hair then is it a surprise when black men end up being attracted to the originators of the glorious hair? I mean if Samsung put Apple logos on their devices because the logo looks so great, would I be out of my mind to want to buy Apple devices only going forward?

I guess the point I am trying to make is that I wish my very precious sisters would all wear their God-given crowns, that they would not make any excuses to look like their ‘nemesis’ and that it would not be considered such a big deal. I mean I have never seen women from any other ethnicity say ‘I am going natural’ and even if they did, I do not think they would be hailed queens of the universe. In recent news we have heard of Rachel Dolezal, the white woman who pretended to be black, can you imagine if she started YouTube videos of her going natural? Think about it @Africanindiaspos. Additionally, I must say that I wish that the increase in sisters wearing their afro-hair was not a just another fad to fade in a short while though I fear that that is exactly what it is. I also wish that when sisters wear their natural they embrace all things afro-centric which are to do with culture and values. There is nothing worse than an Afro whore, pardon the strong words but that is not who we are as Africans.

I have written a slightly longer post but I hope it has been worth your while to read and if I have been more poetic than I have been in other posts it is because I have been writing whilst under the influence – influence of neo-soul that is. Send me the ticket, lol. If you do not know what music that is then perhaps you should cease to be my cyber friend, I am just kidding. I must pen out my ink is running low.

Until next time, let us share let us grow.

‘Afro hair is the natural crown that God has given to the black woman, a crown that radiates of indescribable beauty worthy of admiration’ - @Africanindiaspo