Sisters, men are not projects!

The other day I was talking to a dear friend of mine and she mentioned how she wanted to introduce one of her friends (let’s call her Pauline) to a mutual friend of ours (let’s call him Frank) in the hopes that they would possibly get along and form a relationship of some sort. Whilst Frank is a likeable guy I disagreed with her doing such a thing. The thing is Frank likes to party and drink whilst Pauline is a quiet and homely girl; I just felt it would lead to a miserable existence for her – wondering where her man/husband was in the middle of the night and whether he was safe or not etc. My friend did not see things my way though, she continued to say people can change and maybe she can be the catalyst for him becoming a different man.


Whilst I felt it was an irresponsible statement to utter, it is not the first time I have heard such a thing. In fact I have had several conversations with precious @Africanindiaspo sisters in which I have heard them speak of how they can or have changed a man and made him who he is today i.e. from being a bad boy (like P. Diddy). Ironically the majority of  these sisters or those with similar attitudes towards men are typically single as they tend to have broken up with the very men they 'created'. They also never seem to be able to make another man as great as the one they previously fashioned and this begs the question, was it all you? It reminds me of a time when I heard of a guy saying that he made Jay-Z as he taught him all he needed to know in order to be a star, and Jay-Z aptly responded in a song by saying something to the effect of, 'I heard some people saying they made Jay-Z, ok so make another Hov'. Simply put he was saying that if you are responsible for me being who I am then make another person as great as I am and it seems that the people referred to in those lyrics have not been able to respond to that remark/challenge.


I digressed a little but I genuinely do not understand why sisters (or women at large) think that men are projects that only they (as specific individuals) can restore from being shattered to being whole. Men do not think that way about women at all. I am sure you have heard the old saying that says ‘you cannot turn a certain type of woman into a housewife’. Men seem to have such deep respect for this profound hip hop philosophical truth. Brothers understand that you cannot change a human being, that you can get them to make a conscious effort to modify their behaviour when you are pursuing each other yes, but when the debris settles and the dust gets swept off the true colours will come out. Unlike women, men will go for the end product always, never the raw materials when seeking a mate to settle down with. That is why you will see the guy who has had his time in the clubs go to church to look for a 'good girl' that sings in the choir when he is considering marriage. On the contrary sisters will leave the choir brothers in the church and look to find that drunkard (such as Frank) in order to make him a choir boy? Haha that is it, that is exactly what sisters do (or at least want to do) and men, being crafty, typically play along until they get what they want; either marriage or just a thrill and then boom the raw material that looked as though it had been transformed into a sparkly finished product reverts back to being a drunkard. It is the weirdest phenomenon; you men should be ashamed of yourselves for doing that. You opportunists you!

As a simple and unsophisticated man I do not know what super powers sisters think that they have that can change a man’s nature. I do not think that Pauline can change someone like Frank - she should not even try. It is a waste of time as the relationship will only end in the future with years wasted and tears shed. Whilst some may think that Pauline could be successful at manufacturing Frank and that if she is not she will learn from the experience, I am a traditionalist who does not believe in casual dating but rather in courtship and marriage. This is largely due to the fact that knowing my luck I will one day have eight daughters and do not want them to go through the motions of emotional and psychological trauma that comes from casual dating. I do not want any sons I may have to be the cause of the emotional pain of other men's princesses either. Certain experiences cannot be recovered from, such as abuse, breach of trust or contracting HIV. I mean even businesses try to minimise risks as much as possible.


I see life partners like houses - which person in their right mind would buy a dilapidated house on which to carry out renovations when they cannot hire a builder and cannot fix the house themselves when they could just as easily buy a house in great condition that only requires the rooms to be painted different colours? In the first instance you have a house with so many issues that cannot be fixed even if you deplete all of your financial resources to try to do so. In the second instance you have a house that requires minimal work. A responsible individual would invest their time and resources acquiring the second type of house I am sure. I would imagine a similar decision-making framework would be highly appropriate for choosing a mate, life is hard under the best conditions; there is no need to complicate it by pairing yourself with someone who will cause you strain with no end.


My @Africanindiaspo sisters if you really want projects/challenges I encourage you to take up knitting or crocheting and make blankets, scarves, etc. Do not entangle yourselves in difficult relationships and marriages to bad boys when you are in your prime/youth only to find yourselves alone and/with children in your late 30s wondering where all the good men are. Most of them would have moved on and the rest would not be interested in broken/used goods. That's just the way it is, some things will never change, oh yeah.

It is usually said that good guys finish last, that is not true. It is in fact the good girls that deal with bad boys that finish last in the end’ - @Africanindiaspo

 

Is feminism good for the @Africanindiaspo woman?

I write this post with a broken heart as what I am about to write about is no light matter. I wish to alert my @Africanindiaspo sisters and brothers about something we should all be worried about; we are sitting on a ticking time bomb.

 

There is a movement called MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) which is gaining traction in western society, particularly in the USA, although I would venture to say that it reflects the mind-set of the modern man across this globalised world of ours. The ideology of the movement is one of pretty much encouraging men to not bother committing to marriage with the modern western/westernised woman or having children with her as this will only guarantee pain, misery, child support, divorce fees, etc. The movement encourages men to lead independent lives from women instead, lives in which the lack of commitment means that men are not accountable to women for any seemingly ‘selfish’ decisions they make - that is if the men are to be involved in relationships at all. It seems many of the supporters of MGTOW are more than happy to work, enjoy leisurely time with friends or personal entertainment through gaming or social media and go to sleep. The advent of pornography and the rise of promiscuity (exacerbated by social media apps such as Tinder) make for a sustainable way of life for your typical MGTOW. Men can now work as hard as they want, buy whatever toys they like and not have to entertain/romance women and still have sex whenever they wish. This is the result of feminism ladies and gentlemen. Who runs the world? GIRLS? Who wins?

 

Whilst I do not agree with the ideology of MGTOW I fully understand how it is a seemingly ‘fair’ response to feminism, an ideology which at its inception wanted women to have equal voting rights (1^st wave of feminism). As most of us probably know before feminism was, women’s roles were limited to home-making and careers such as nursing and teaching. Women did not have much say in the political arena which was dominated by men who served as patriarchs speaking for their families. The 1^st wave of feminism changed that in the early 20^th century. Then came World War 2; the men went to war, the women went to work in the industries and when the men came back the women were no longer contented to stay at home and be homemakers. Beloved this gave rise to the 2^nd wave of feminism in the mid-20^th century which was spearheaded by Betty Friedan. She was disillusioned with the idea of raising of her own children to the extent of revolting against the institution. I do not have a problem with that but imagine being a child and your mother having the full opportunity to nurture you but resorting to dedicating her life to fighting against being with you. That is basically what the 2^nd wave of feminism was all about, as well as fighting to legalise abortions, remove the shame of promiscuity from women (the gatekeepers of the sex economy), obtain equal pay & opportunities, destroy the nuclear family and remove gender distinctions. Lady Betty is actually on record saying that feminism wanted boys to be sensitive/emotional and comfortable with having long hair. The goal was to create effeminate men if you ask me and kudos to them they have achieved it. Oh yeah there is a 3^rd wave of feminism whose job is to keep doing more damage by making men even more inferior as we have seen in the media. Men are depicted as idiots and childlike, can you imagine that? The gender that virtually created all the technology we enjoy and built all the infrastructure we benefit from has suddenly become weaker daft punks (I’ll wait for you to get that).

 

 

Sadly men don’t seem to care and have just shrunk back. Their apathy does, of course, have serious ramifications (as I have mentioned above) – there is very little procreation going on and this will most likely get worse. The thing is men do not have a maternal instinct so they can live with that and can change their minds at any point if they wish and have children even in their 70s. Whilst women in their early 20s might share the same sentiment as men, they do have a restrictive biological clock. Women in their late 30s or early 40s today are finding themselves accomplished, wealthy, alone with a desire to have children and no man ‘foolish’ enough to entertain such thoughts. This may be an interesting video to validate this point (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-aJzW3Q_D8).

 

I wish this was the only consequence - that feminists would learn how isolating their lives are made by the deceptive social terrorist called feminism. Unfortunately the consequences are far worse than that, as I said at the beginning we are sitting on a ticking time bomb. The West and even the East are already suffering from the burden of the ageing population i.e. there are more people in retirement than there are in the marketplace. This means that it has become extremely difficult for governments to take care of the aged based on past fertility rates which have now gotten worse. What will it be like when the 30 year olds of today reach retirement if things worsen/remain as they are? Public services (i.e. health care, police, etc.) will be overburdened and unable to cope with the amount of people dependent upon them. Economies will come to full stand-stills; any pensions the current generation is saving for will not be receivable in a future with poor economic productivity. This is no joke, check out what is being predicted in Germany already: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/economics/11644660/Germany-dominance-over-as-demographic-crunch-worsens.html). The end of civilisation waits!

 

Whilst I understand why MGTOW emerged, it is just a male version of feminism; another short-sighted, self-centred social movement which when paired with feminism will just cause even greater anarchy. Men and women cannot exist independently of each other; we are inter-dependent as is evidenced by our natural ability to procreate to produce offspring that will sustain us in the future. With that being said I would not encourage men to marry the modern westernised women either. It is almost as though there is no solution, as though the onus really lies on the women to change and return to their traditional roles. Sadly I do not think that this is probable.

 

However, my appeal to you my @Africanindiaspo brothers and sisters is this; do not participate in this madness. Sisters please revert to your traditional roles of home-making and nurturing children; brothers please search for such women and be good men to them. To refuse to do so is to heap the social terrors consequential of feminism onto our future children, consequences of broken families and gender confusion such as the ones shown in this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3Y-99UJ2lM.

 

I am sorry this post is slightly longer than usual but I really hate feminism and all the issues it has caused and what’s sad for me is that people cannot seem to tell where the future is headed either. I encourage you to do more research on this issue my dear friends, open your eyes.

 

Anyway I better do like bananas and split.

 

Until next time, let us share let us grow!

 

‘Decisions concerning social orders must be made with much care and consideration for the selfish decisions of today are threats to the communal welfare of tomorrow’ - @Africanindiaspo

Zimbabwean child swears at his mother, is he to blame?

Recently there has been a viral video (link to video: http://nehandatv.com/2015/06/07/spoilt-rotten-zimbo-kid-cursing-at-parent) making the circles of social media of a young black boy with a Zimbabwean mother it seems, and he was going off at her as well as his aunt for calling him into the house when he still wanted to be out playing with his friends late into the night. I understand that I am a little late to the ‘trending’ party but I feel as though I should express my opinion about this video as it is closer to home (being that I am Zimbabwean myself). I believe it is an incident many of us can take lessons from as it could easily become a recurrent theme amongst the @Africanindiaspo communities though I feel it is already more common than people care to believe.

 

Off the bat I must ask the questions, who recorded that video and why? How did it go from the device it was recorded on to being viral? There were two adult women who were present in that predicament and one of them recorded the debased ordeal. I find that disgusting and that should be more shocking to everyone who watches the video than any behaviour that the child displayed.

 

I believe that a child’s behaviour is mostly reflective of the upbringing and instruction he/she has had. Of course children are innately mischievous and that cannot be helped but not to the extent displayed by that little boy. Did anyone notice that as he was cursing out (and having his little tantrum) he was actually playing on an iPhone? I have found this to be a common trend amongst both African and British parents here in the UK - that is to give their children unfettered access to the internet. The diaspora-born child of your typical @Africanindiaspo is bombarded with sexual images from birth on TV and hears all sorts of explicit words in public, to give them unrestricted access to the internet at a tender age is to pour fuel to the fire. That means pornography and even more debased language is a click of a button away and many parents are making this mistake. I do not believe it is intentional but it is being made all the same. The problem is exacerbated by the fact that many @Africanindiaspo parents do not sit down with their kids to find out what is going on in their minds so they can deconstruct any build-up of western beliefs or ideas. Your typical @Africanindiaspo actually raises their child as though they were in Africa where there is very little swearing and sexualisation of men and women in the mainstream media and society. It is no wonder that even our religious beliefs are no longer palatable to children being born and raised in the diaspora, we are not taking the time to find out where they are at.

 

Another weird but prevalent phenomenon common amongst many of the @Africanindiaspo is this deep-seeded inferiority complex whereby many African parents are really proud to have their kids as removed from African culture as possible. Many love the fact that their child cannot speak their native language (which they never bothered to teach the child) and are even more elated to say things like ‘my child is the only black child at his/her school’. No word of a lie. It is no wonder then that children such as that young boy end up saying they have no affiliations with the motherland as they identify it as archaic and disease-ridden - just as the propagandised images show Africa to be.

 

There are serious conflicting thoughts going on in the minds of descendants of any @Africanindiaspo. At one juncture they are exposed to African values and culture with relatives and within religious communities which their parents do not teach them to value on a daily basis, at another juncture they are exposed to extreme Western ideologies and behaviours on a more consistent basis (i.e. in school and with friends) which their parents do not want them to fully adapt once more. It seems the Western ways typically prevail as these kids end up being more extreme than their Western counterparts due to their desperate need to receive approval within at least one group of people. @Africanindiaspo parents end up extremely disillusioned as their children become rebellious and they genuinely wonder why.

 

I must express this to my beloved @Africanindiaspo brothers and sisters living in the UK - if it possible for you to pay a little more in rental premiums or spend more on a mortgage to live in a safer neighbourhood then please do so if you have children. Whilst high-density urban areas in Africa are populated with well-mannered and responsible people, in the UK areas with cheaper accommodation are often populated with rough and substance-abusing individuals who often raise poor-mannered children which will inevitably school with your children and possibly be their friends.

 

Now this is where I turn into a chauvinist I suppose by asking where is the father of this boy? Where are the fathers of many of the children of @Africanindiaspo mothers? It seems many of my beloved sisters have traded the truth that ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ for the lie that ‘girls run the world’. Sisters you cannot raise children, especially sons, without the presence of a male authoritarian figure. As a child growing up whenever I misbehaved my mother would say ‘I am going to tell your father’, and that would calm me right down. In the absence of a father, sisters please have brothers in your lives to have that influence over your sons and daughters. It will do more good than harm.

 

Finally, to the woman who called the ordeal with that child nonsense, you are the problem with children growing up in the diaspora. You did not diffuse the situation, you worsened it and you are the reason many children are embittered with their parents.

 

Until next time beloved, let us share, let us grow.

 

‘Children’s behaviours and attitudes are like mirrors that reflect the investment or lack thereof made into their lives by those charged with their guardianship’ - @Africanindiaspo

2015 the age of the mindless fashionistas and inexperienced philosophers

I was on the bus the other day, minding my own business, when from the corner of my eye I saw something that crushed my heart. I saw a young black male wearing the tightest pair of jeans I have ever seen on a man and it struck me – this is our future.

 

You see growing up in Africa fashion was not something that men expended too many efforts on. No! Men were more consumed with discussing politics, pursuing education (through books and academic institutions) as well as working hard to provide for extended families. My friends and I never seemed to care much about fashion either whilst growing up in these societies. Yes we liked to have the latest basketball sneakers and some cool clothes for the times we would go and hang out at the malls but our ultimate goals were to exhibit prowess on the sports fields whether it was playing rugby, soccer, basketball, cricket, etc. We were also under immense pressure from our parents to obtain good grades and pursue high-flying careers in the corporate world which many of us have done as much as opportunity was afforded to us.

 

This does not seem to be the mind-set of my many dear young black brothers over here in the diaspora; they are typically not focused on their academics and are quite effeminate. I wish I could say exactly why things are so. It might be partly because many of them were latch-key kids, i.e. they stayed at home alone whilst their parents were at work and thus did not have much supervision and/or instruction. They are the generation that has raised itself (hmm sounds like another post idea). I digress. Perhaps it is because their parents have not held them to account because they did not directly pay for any of the education they received – primary and secondary education is free in the United Kingdom you see.

 

Young black immigrant males seem to be focused on fashion instead, these young men are all about the Versace (Versace!) and it is when you engage them in conversation that you realise that they have very little to talk about, they do not have independent minds or opinions about much of what affects their existence. Similarly, although women are expected to take greater care in their appearance than men as such have been the societal norms since times past, many young black women in the diaspora seem to have all become fashion bloggers very suddenly and without much notice. They too are typically mentally shallow and devoid of any aspirations to learn and develop their mind or soul. They have that weave on fleek though (LOL I’m just a hater).

 

The advent of low-cost good-quality retailers such as Primark has allowed individuals to be photo-shoot fresh on a daily basis and at very low costs for that matter. This has given many of our young men and women the confidence to be professional outfit co-ordinators on social media and some have earned decent money from it too – hats off to them (no pun intended). However, they have not invested in their minds thus the title – mindless fashionistas. Many of the values, morals and culture that formed responsible adults out of the Africans born in the 80s and beyond have evaded this generation of mindless fashionistas and yet they seem to have dual careers. They are also part-time philosophers.

 

Yes my dear @Africanindiaspo the emergent generation of young adults from the motherland living in the diaspora, with their very little life experience and even fewer achievements except maybe losing some excess weight, is unapologetically philosophical. They will get behind a camera and teach their age mates about how important it is for them to be happy at any cost. Although they have done absolutely nothing to better themselves as individuals they will post or watch videos on the type of guy that they should have and how he ought to treat them (entitlement?). I mean the other day I stumbled upon one such video, a young black lady was teaching others about how it is important to not be worried about your boyfriend leaving a mess in the house and how women should suppress their natural inclination to have a tidy house, etc. This particular young lady has even more videos on self-confidence. She cannot be more than 25 years old and here she is spewing ‘wisdom’ to young impressionable girls who are the future of tomorrow. All I could think is how simple and idealistic the minds of our brothers and sisters are being programmed to become by people who still have milk on their noses (they are yet to discover what life is all about as they are still babies).

 

Now I myself am not that old and I do not by any means wish to give off the impression that I have full knowledge about life, ha that would be the biggest lie ever told. However, I have come to appreciate the wisdom that lies in the grey hairs of those older than me and wish that my young brothers and sisters could put their interest in fashion and philosophy aside and sit at the feet of their parents, older relatives or any other mature adults they have access to.

 

Perhaps I am not hip to the times? Perhaps I am bitter because I am not fashionable but how about the typical @Africanindiaspo looks to have their brain and knowledge of self on fleek more than they seek to look good and babble about life which they know nothing of. After all it used to be intellectuals that used to philosophise in times gone by.

 

Until next time, let us share let us grow.

‘The youth of today must acknowledge that they are the future of tomorrow and must therefore hold themselves to serious account for their deeds and misdeeds’ - @Africanindiaspo

 

 

 

Is patriarchy an outdated concept?

Patriarchy (a social system in which males hold primary power, predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property; in the domain of the family, fathers or father-figures hold authority over women and children) seems to be a dated concept in modern society whether it is here in the diaspora or even back home in the motherland.

With Father’s day having passed quite recently I have been a witness to the global masculinisation of mothers (who have looked after children in the absence of male figures in the home) on social media. ‘Happy Father’s day to all the men who took care of their responsibilities as well as any women that had to be both a mother and a father,’ said one of my online contacts. I, personally, found this to be extremely offensive to men all around the world. The one day that has been set aside for the celebration of their efforts to provide for and be there for their children has to now be shared with women. Please bear in mind that we have never seen this happen the other way around, i.e. men being hailed as queens on Mother’s Day despite the fact that there are many single fathers raising children on their own.

It seems as though the world (with the exception of some of the more traditional societies) has become so civilised that it has lost any respect or need for fathers and men, the very group of people who fought in battles to either obtain or retain any form of freedom the same people now enjoy. This is total disregard for the idiom that says, ‘do not bite the hand that feeds you.’  In the quest to settle gender scores, it seems that popular culture has accomplished a secondary objective which is to emasculate and dishonour men. In movies, cartoons (i.e. Peppa Pig, The Simpsons and Family Guy) and even series (e.g. Modern Family) men are continuously depicted as being silly, unreasonable and poor decision-makers whilst their spouses are depicted as intelligent and sharp - keeping things in order.

Such imagery has served to destroy the self-confidence and self-assertion of the modern man to the delight of many women. Women delight in the fact that men no longer seek to lead them in patriarchy and are now beneath them. Beneath them you ask? Why yes, men are still expected to romance ladies, protect them from danger, keep them entertained, etc. at their own expense by women who earn just as much, if not more than them. Women have sent the message ‘WE DO NOT NEED YOU’ to men and they have received it and modified their attitudes to dealing with women. You see men rise to meet the demands/responsibilities placed upon them. With absolutely no expectations being required of men, it is no wonder they feel as though they are winning in this ‘down-with-patriarchy’ existence. Men have realised that they can get conjugal benefits without giving any real commitment to women and have resorted to a life of pursuing their pleasures which include the acquisition of nice cars and fancy toys.

 

Resultantly, marriage and fertility rates have lowered dramatically compared to historical times and it is largely because men are not interested in having wives and children (look up the statistics if you think it is a light matter). They have been reduced to a biological function – they are not needed for anything else and they will not play that game it seems. Men are no longer incentivised to be the very people responsible for much of the civilisation we enjoy. Can you imagine what industrial revolution we would have today if men had not invented all that they have invented, or built the superstructures they have built etc. yet that is where we are now. What does the future hold for this patriarchy-hating society? What successful society has thrived without esteeming men as leaders and providers of communities? It seems that this emasculation of the modern man is an action that lacks much foresight.

Ladies your own sons are going to grow to feel as unwanted in the same society you are very happy to build. They will live as second class citizens in the future as their fathers also live in have the mental stresses that arise as a result of feeling inadequate. They will be hounded for child support and kept from their children; you might not see your own grandchildren- that is if these little boys ever grow up wanting to have children of their own.

 

I must emphasise that by making a case for patriarchy I am not by any means implying that women and children should be abused and taken for granted – let it be far from me to even think that. I do not think that any establishment can take any its members for granted and remain successful. However, in my few years on this planet I have observed a strange phenomenon and that is this, for an organisation to operate effectively there must be a hierarchy of roles and responsibilities. I am yet to walk into a restaurant where everyone is a chef and there aren’t any waiters or waitresses or managers. I am yet to walk into a big corporation where everyone is a CEO and there are no subordinates etc. A family is should be established as an organisation which we also wish to see function successfully for the betterment of all the stakeholders involved.

I feel that if we want to have a future as a civilisation then we need to masculinise our men or at least not persecute them for being so already. And yes the men must also lead out of selflessness, not looking to take advantage of the people they are charged to lead and protect. We will explore this in another post.

Until then, let us share, let us grow.

‘Men’s roles are not limited to biological functions but also to the social, moral and educational value that they bring’ - @Africanindiaspo